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Scarcity Mindset

Stop Dating With A Scarcity Mindset – Advice From Real Life Women

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What Is A Scarcity Mindset On The Dating Marketplace?

In the sexual marketplace, a scarcity mindset happens when you approach dating from the position of having no other potential dating partners who are trying to date you, sleep with you, or get with you. 

If you have zero other options, and then approach partners with an energy of stress, anxiety, desperation, neediness, clinginess, etc. You give off powerful low-value scarcity mindset markers. 

And they are highly unattractive. 

Today, you’re going to learn why you need to do away with your scarcity mindset.  

It is vitally important that you understand how detrimental it is for your dating success. 

A lot of people struggle with this. And it can single-handedly ruin your chances of finding mutual attraction with potential dating partners.

I recently did a video on this topic, which you can watch here. 

If you want to hear my basic ideology on a scarcity mindset when it comes to dating, check it out. That video also contains my advice on how to beat a scarcity mindset—which can be a tough hurdle to overcome. 

But in this post, I’m going to do something a little different. I actually asked 4 different women some questions about this topic, and got their answers. 

Why Is Scarcity Mindset A Problem For Men?

why is scarcity mindset a problem for men

Imagine these two scenarios. 

Scenario Number 1

On one hand, you have a confident man who is succeeding in life. He’s good looking, he’s growing his business—he has a lot of good things going for him. 

He has a purpose in life, and he is pursuing it with ambition and industriousness. 

He works hard, and plays hard. 

He is also highly sought after by not just one—but many different beautiful women. 

Because this man doesn’t have any issues getting dates, he doesn’t have to try to ‘impress’ women or put them on a pedestal in order to try to get dates. 

He can be genuine, authentic, and real. 


Because he is approaching every dating opportunity with a true abundance mindset

He doesn’t need to impress anyone. He has women lined up the block to date him—and this gives off very positive signals. 

He doesn’t even really have to try to get sex. As it so happens, so many women are so interested in him that he just kind of goes with the flow—and it works out!

Scenario Number 2

Now, consider a man who is socially awkward. Maybe he is a bit reclusive. Maybe he has a lot of anxiety, or just isn’t as charismatic. 

He gets really shy with women. He tries to impress them and to show himself off as attractive, but women just don’t seem to be into him. 

He may have girls who are friends—but absolutely zero (or close to zero) romantic interests. 

He may swipe on dating apps without getting any matches. He may grow frustrated when women ghost him, friendzone him, and stop talking to him after a few texts. 

He tries—but at this point, he is almost to the point of giving up. He may even be a bit resentful of beautiful women and the men who sleep with them, because he sees it as a life that he doesn’t truly believe he will ever get to enjoy. 

Now, this may be a bit dramatized—but it gives us an example of the type of man who is likely dating with a true scarcity mindset. 

And when he dates, he is trying really hard to impress women, because he is a little bit desperate

And that makes his energy feel forced, less authentic, and less natural. 

There is something ‘uptight’ about him that women shy away from. 

This Is The Problem With A Scarcity Mindset: And It Will Sabotage Your Dating Life

The purpose of this post is to help men overcome their scarcity mindset. And in order to do that, I’ve interviewed 4 different women, to get their answers to some important questions that are related to this topic. 

I think that it is fascinating to hear what women have to say about these things—and you will notice that all of these women gave slightly different answers. 

But you will also find valuable insight in all of them. So read through them, and try to put yourself into the woman’s perspective. 

Try to understand what this looks like from the other side. 

Just a note for men—all of the answers given in this post were given by real women.  

This is what attractive, high-value, objectively beautiful women are saying about their views on dating and men… so listen up and take their advice! 

I asked each one of them three questions. Here are their answers.

Question #1: If a man approaches you or hits you up, and you know for a fact that he has no other female options to choose from… Does that factor into whether or not you decide to date him? And if so, how?

scarcity mindset question one

Answers From Lady Number One

“That depends on the reason why he doesn’t have any other female options. My first question is why not? Is it his personality? His looks? It honestly wouldn’t really affect my decision, because I always like to get to know people and then go from there, but I know for a lot of women, they look at that as a red flag.”

I followed this question up with a follow-up question. 

“Why do you think that some women see it as a red flag?”

Here was her answer. 

“Women expect men to have a few women who are interested in them. It shows desirability.”

Answers From Lady Number Two

“I’d say yes. I would have to consider why other women don’t consider him a viable option. It’s not a social status or pride issue, it is more a consideration of what possible issues might be there I can’t see right off hand.  There are so many variables to consider it’s hard to say exactly why I might not, but if a man isn’t desirable to most women – since he has no other choices – I’d have to rely on general opinion. Another part of that though (yet another variable), is that I don’t want to be an only option. I’d like to be chosen rather than be a default.”

Answers From Lady Number Three

“Not really. It doesn’t really matter if they have other options or not. That doesn’t have anything to do with what the dude and I share between us.” 

Answers From Lady Number Four

“For me personally it doesn’t. It’s not an issue for me because it shouldn’t matter if he has other women to choose from or not. If he’s genuinely interested in me then I’d be more interested in getting to know him and his personality.”

Question #2: In your opinion, what are the 3 biggest things that men can do to level up their desirability and get women to see them as attractive potential sexual partners?

Scarcity mindset question two

Answers From Lady Number One

“As much as it pains me to say this, presentation of themselves is a big factor, ie dressing well, clean, but not stuffy, if you know what I mean. Secondly, confidence is crucial, without overdoing it. A lot of men I’ve seen that don’t have any suitors, don’t have any self confidence, and that is a turn off, because it feels like they’re just throwing a pity party for themselves, rather than embracing themselves for who they are, and being positive.” 

“Lastly, for god sakes, don’t make every single conversation turn into trying to talk dirty, or talk about sex. I know that personally, I want to have meaningful conversations, that shows me there’s intelligence in there. Sex comes when there’s an attraction, and it’s not always just a physical, “oh I see you, let’s bang.” Connecting on an intelligent level can open up so many more doors.”

Answers From Lady Number Two

“1) Be confident, but not cocky. Confidence is very attractive in males, but a person that comes off as full of themselves or self involved is a turn off. People who are comfortable with themselves and outgoing is a sought after trait.”

“2) Rely more on conversation and finding common interests rather than pick up lines and material compliments. Women consistently hear alllll the lines men use. It’s not unique, not cute, and boring. People in general respond better to people who are interested in them as a person rather than superficial comments. It would probably also help men find women that might actually be compatible for more than sex, if that’s what they are looking for. And if not, sex is always better when you enjoy someone’s company outside of getting off.”

“3) Have a good sense of humor! Everyone loves to laugh. It makes things more exciting and people will want to spend time with you more often.”

Answers From Lady Number Three

“Conversation, politeness, and smell. I have to be able to carry on a good conversation with someone. If they are rude, it’s a huge turn off. And idk I just like good smells. Nice cologne.”

Answers From Lady Number Four

“Oh that’s a hard one! For me it’s not about looks… It’s about the way I feel around them, the energy they put off. But I would say basic grooming would be a big thing.”

Question #3: How can a man show you that he is sexually interested tactfully, in a way that will resonate with you and improve his odds of successfully trying to date you?

scarcity mindset question three

Answers From Lady Number One

“Hmm. I think light flirting, and common sense about if it’s wanted or not. And being straightforward works in my book. Well, straightforward without being crass.”

Answers From lady Number Two

“That’s a hard one for me personally because I tend to assume people aren’t interested in me in that way. It’s probably a fault of mine. That being said, what would help me realize that is

“1) how often they want to talk/hangout with me. People don’t tend to spend time on people they aren’t interested in.”

“2) some sort of physical touch in our interactions that shows affection and the desire to be more intimate. Respectfully of course haha.”

“3) flat out saying that they are interested in pursuing that kind of relationship, but they are not solely interested in you for the end game and OK with however the chips fall. Or just being honest of intentions in general so both the woman and man can invest time in what they are actually looking for.” 

“I think something women worry about sometimes too is whether or not they have value outside of sex, and even if its casual sex, a woman will be more comfortable knowing it’s not a one time deal. I think there is a general stigma for women who have a lot of partners, they’re “sluts” etc., so if we could avoid those one time deals (assuming they don’t want it to be), that would be dope.”

Answers From lady Number Three

“Light flirting, showing interest in the things that I like.”

I followed this answer up with another question. 

“Could you describe what you mean by light flirting?” 

Her answer was as follows…

“Yeah. Like mentioning how you like how I did my hair, or that you like my smile.” 

Answers From Lady Number Four

“Mmm I’m not sure honestly I’ve never been in that position before. They shouldn’t try to “be cool.” Despite what the man may think, being a jerk to the woman is a huge turn off. And personally I always feel like I was used for sex and then left.”

To this response, I asked a follow-up question: 

“Does this mean that you are more interested in men who make it known that they are interested in you for more than just a one-time sex fling?”

Here is her answer. 

“Not necessarily, I’m more interested in men that know what they want rather than playing the guessing game the whole time. But I do know that I’m not a hookup kind of person so I’d be less likely to pursue anything that won’t become something more.”

How To Defeat Your Scarcity Mindset—Once And For All

defeat your scarcity mindset

Alright. Now that you’ve heard what the ladies had to say on this issue, I’m going to give you a solution to the problem. 

Solving your scarcity mindset isn’t rocket science. You just need to get on-top of the situation, get rid of the desperate/needy energy, and develop some true alpha male confidence. 

Here’s how you do it. 

Step 1: Take A Break From Dating

Put dating on hold. Take sex off the table. You need to work on yourself a little bit to overcome this problem. 

Step 2: Start Minding Your Business, Getting Some Money, And Pursuing Your Purpose

Start leveling up your life—mind, body, and spirit. 

Start working out. Start reading some great books. Start exercising and eating a better diet. 

Start leveling up your money game. Start working on a side hustle. If you don’t have a good job, get one. 

If you don’t have any high-income skills, start learning some. 

For me, this meant learning how to freelance write. I eventually turned that into a full-time hustle and quit my 9 to 5. 

Next, find your purpose. 

What problem do you want to solve in life? 

What kind of dent do you want to leave in the universe? What kind of long-term goals do you want for yourself?

Start thinking about this stuff. Start writing your goals down. Start visualizing what you want your future to look like. 

You don’t need to get things perfect to start dating—but you do need to get your sh** together so that you can start leveling up your life and getting some wins under your belt. 

Here’s The Thing About Getting Some Wins…

These things may not seem to have anything to do with dating. 

But if you’ve been operating based on a scarcity mindset, they actually have everything to do with it

When you start minding your business, getting some money coming in, and pursuing your true purpose in life, you will start to get some small wins in life—and these things will increase your confidence. 

You’ll start feeling better, looking better, and performing better in life. 

These things will naturally grow your confidence. And in turn, they will start to loosen up the wheels in your life to help you shift toward a mindset of abundance

Step 3: Start Socializing—Not To Date, But Just To Make Friends

This is such an important step. 

Find some groups in your local area who meet to do the types of things you enjoy. 

Try to find groups who are doing things you love to do. 

These could be book clubs, thinking groups, gaming groups, medieval cosplayers, chess clubs, business networking events—just start getting out and doing some things that you enjoy. 

This will help you to expand your social circles and meet new people in a non dating-oriented context. 

And that is super important. 

When you start meeting new people in these circles, but are operating without trying to date anyone, you open yourself up to authentic socialization. You are free to be your natural self without trying to impress anyone or stress about getting a girlfriend. 

And this, in turn, makes you 1000% more attractive! 

So start socializing, expand your social circles, and form new positive relationships with cool people. 

Step 4: Be Open To Exploring The Possibility Of Dating Once You Start To Enjoy Life And Level Up Your Confidence

As you start to make your life better and widen your social circles, you will doubtlessly meet people who will be interested in you. 

Look out for the signs that a girl may be interested in you. 

If something natural and organic crops up—feel free to pursue it! 

Just remember to remain your true, authentic, confident self—and don’t dip back into that sad-boy scarcity mindset! 

Remember. You don’t need a woman to make you life awesome. 

Life should be awesome on its own. 

Spending time with high-value women should be like a tasty cherry on top of the already awesome cake of life. 

In Conclusion

And that, my good friends, is how you beat the demon of scarcity mindset—once and for all. 

It’s not complicated. It just takes a bit of understanding and some effort. 

Follow these steps, and you’ll be crushing it! 

Go with grace, my friends—and never give up your power. 

Until next time….

Joshua K. Sigafus

Joshua Sigafus Consulting