What are the signs he wants you bad?
How do you know that he actually wants YOU, and not just SEXUAL ACCESS TO YOU?
I hear this question from women all the time.
And I understand it.
Women who are serious about a relationship want to know that men are in the same place. But vetting partners in a world where men often lie and mislead women can be a daunting task.
As a man, women used to be mysterious to me. And now, I am starting to realize that men are just as mysterious to women!
But as a man, I can also safely say that men aren’t that difficult to figure out.
And if you’ve been talking to a man, dating him, hanging out with him, or even having sex – you probably want to know if you’re wasting your time, or if there is an actual future with him on the horizon.
Let’s talk about it.
Note: If you’re interested in the content matter of this post, then you’ll definitely be interested in our master guide to dating. Make sure to check that out to get a complete rundown of the entire dating process, from beginning to end.
How Do You Know If A Man Sees A Future With You? – 7 Signs
If a man sees a future with you, he will begin to invest in you and spend resources on you. These small investments are called ‘commitment signals.’
Some of those investments will look like this.
1. He Will Invest Time Into You
Is he spending more time with you? Is he scheduling dates, showing up to dates, calling you on the phone, and taking the time to message you?
If he’s just in it for a quick bang, he’ll try to keep his investments to a minimum.
2. He Takes Time To Listen
A man who is only interested in getting into your panties isn’t going to be super interested in learning about you.
On the other side of the coin, a man who is potentially interested in a future will absolutely want to learn about you.
He will ask good questions and listen to your answers.
He will want to listen to your ideas, your passions, your plans, your goals, and how you think about the world. If he’s truly into you, these things will matter to him a lot.
3. He Will Legitimately Show Care And Concern For Your Wellbeing
On one hand, it isn’t a man’s responsibility to take care of you.
But… if a man is truly interested in a future with you, he will have a vested interest in caring for you.
If you’re sick, he will show genuine concern. If you run into a problem, he will likely want to do his part to help you navigate it.
If tragedy strikes, he is going to want to invest in you and stand beside you as you deal with it.
Men who aren’t interested in a future with you, on the other hand, will tend to disappear when hard times strike – because they won’t want to deal with the problems or put in that extra effort.
4. He Wants To Learn About You And Takes An Active Interest In Your Life
Does he ask questions about your life? Is he interested in what you enjoy and how you spend your time?
Does he seem legitimately interested in your work, family, social circles, hobbies, projects, passions, and goals?
A man who sees a potential future with you will want to know about these things, and will take an active interest in them.
5. His Communication With You Is Consistent
Now, don’t get me wrong. A high-value man is probably not going to be blowing up your phone constantly. He will be busy with his business, his life, his family, his friends, etc.
But – he will still make an effort to communicate with you, and he does so consistently.
He may not text you every hour on the hour, but you shouldn’t find yourself confused. He won’t ‘disappear’ for days and days. He won’t ghost you and then randomly show back up a couple of weeks later.
Even if he is very busy, he will still make sure to communicate consistently – even if that means just a couple of texts every day. Most importantly, he won’t disappear and then reappear off and on!
6. He Makes It Clear That He Is Interested
Guys who are not technically interested in ‘you’ will sometimes quasi-invest. They may be interested in certain elements or parts of you or your life, but not in you, as the human and woman you are.
With that being said, men who are actually interested in you will make that interest known.
They will say things and do things to let you know that they are actually interested in getting to know you better, spending quality time with you, learning about you, and potentially building a future with you.
To learn more about whether or not a guy is giving off some serious green-flag signs, read this guide: 18 Green Flag Behaviors Of High-Value Men.
7. He Won’t Mind Paying For Dinner
We live in a modern world where men and women are equal. And so, a man shouldn’t be expected to always pay for dinner – especially not at first, and not all the time!
But, with that being said, as a man, I can tell you full well that men’s core sexual programming is based on provision and protection.
And that still manifests itself in many ways – and as small a thing as it may seem, buying dinner is one of those ways!
I often describe it like this. If I’m into her enough, just the act of paying for her dinner is satisfying to me and brings me joy and pleasure.
Sometimes, men will buy dinner in the hopes of a reward. But sometimes, they offer to pay because they are genuinely interested!
6 Signs He Wants You To Be His Girlfriend
Entering the ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ phase of the relationship is an important step. It is usually marked by relationship agreements and an ‘official’ level of status that more casual relationships don’t hold.
Here are some ways for you to know that he’s legitimately interested in making you his girlfriend.
6 signs he wants you to be his girlfriend soon:
- He lets you into his emotions
- He talks to you about deeper things
- He actually takes you on dates, or at least puts effort into time spent together
- He openly communicates with you over social media
- He laughs at your jokes and genuinely seems to enjoy your company
- He cares about fitting in well with your family and friends
Alright, now let’s talk about these signs in greater detail.
1. He Lets You Into His Emotions
When I talk to women I’m not interested in, I never really divulge my emotions.
Why? Because this requires me to exhibit a certain level of vulnerability. And as a high-value man, I’m careful about who I allow into that part of my life.
So if I share emotions with you, telling you about my stressors, confiding in you about how I feel about something – that is a good sign that I’m actually interested in you.
2. He Talks To You About Deeper Things
I will talk to almost any woman about my business goals, my passions, my plans, my life goals, and the activities of my day.
But I almost never talk about deeper issues with women unless I plan for them to become a more permanent fixture in my circle.
Family issues, anxieties, personal challenges, the demons that I face in my life, the darker experiences of my past that I am still working to overcome – these are the types of things I reserve for discussion only with partners with whom I want to stay close to and invest in.
3. He Actually Takes You On Dates, Or At Least Puts Effort Into Time Spent Together
Meeting up to watch a show and eat some pizza can be considered a nice date – but pay attention to how much effort he is putting into it!
Is he inviting you over at 11 pm to hopefully score a hookup? Or, is he asking you to formally hang out and spend time with him at a decent hour of the day?
If I am actually into a woman, I will try to plan a date with her at a reasonable time and mark that time off on my calendar. I will also put some effort into trying to make it a fun and memorable experience!
4. He Openly Communicates With You On Social Media
I’ve talked to so many women who complain that men won’t ‘publicly’ communicate with them on social media.
Now, don’t get me wrong – going ‘social media official’ is a step that takes some time!
But if he’s not tagging you in anything, ever, then you may be looking at a situation where he doesn’t want other people on his friend list to know that he’s talking to you.
Do you get the sense that he’s trying to ‘hide’ you? If so, you may be looking at a sketchy situation!
5. He Laughs At Your Jokes And Genuinely Seems To Enjoy Your Company
When I met my girlfriend, I tried to spend time with her as often as I could. I also genuinely enjoyed her company, laughed at her jokes, and found myself just enjoying her presence.
If a man seems to legitimately enjoy you as a person, that’s a good sign. As men, we don’t always feel that way about a woman.
Does he laugh at the things you say? Does his face light up when you give your opinion about things? Does he seem excited to hear what you have to say?
Does he seem to get excited when the two of you make plans?
If you can answer ‘yes’ to these things, he’s probably legitimately interested in you and is at least thinking about the next step.
6. He Cares About Fitting In Well With Your Family And Friends
A high-value man is going to understand that your friends and family are an important part of your life.
Therefore, he is going to respect that, and he is going to do his best to integrate well with them when the time comes to meet them and interact.
A high-value man would never make a woman he cares about feel like she needs to choose between him and her family/friends, unless she is legitimately surrounded by unhealthy people.
I may not have a lot in common with my girlfriend’s family and friends, but they still matter to me – and I try my best to make my relationships with them positive and meaningful.
6 Signs He Wants A Relationship
Some men just want sex. But… There are high-value men out there who are looking for relationships.
How do you spot them?
Signs he wants to be with you and have an actual relationship:
- He introduces you to his friends and family
- He takes his time and doesn’t rush it
- He rarely cancels on you, and he never flakes for no reason
- He cultivates honesty
- He compliments you on your looks
- He makes it known that he wants you sexually, without making that the focus of his attention
Alright. Now, let’s go through all of these signs in closer detail.
1. He Introduces You To His Friends And Family
I would never introduce a woman to my family unless I was serious about her.
If I think that a girl could be a good friend or potential girlfriend material, I will also introduce her to my friends. But I would never introduce a random hook-up to my friends!
Take notes from this, ladies. If he wants to bring you into his circle, it usually actually means something to him!
2. He Takes His Time And Doesn’t Rush It
Men who are controlled by their emotions may rush into a relationship with you and try to push it fast.
But this is not healthy!
A high-value man will realize this, and will be able to find a way to let you know that he is still interested while also taking things slow and giving it the time it needs to properly cultivate.
Respect a man who will slow things down while still investing time into you! It’s a sign that he may actually be serious about you.
3. He Rarely Cancels On You, And He Never Flakes For No Reason
I sometimes need to cancel plans with my girlfriend for work. But that is pretty much the only reason I would ever cancel.
And I would never just flake on her!
That is so disrespectful, and it only shows that I do not care about investing time.
If a man just dips and flakes on you, he’s not respecting you. If he needs to reschedule, a high-value man will connect with you, apologize for the inconvenience, and respectfully suggest a specific time and place for rescheduling.
4. He Cultivates Honesty
Does he show you that he’s honest, and that he cares about honesty in return?
If so, then there is a good chance that he is actually interested in you for the long-term.
Here’s the thing – total honesty can take a lot of work. And short-term flings or hookups may not be worth the effort to him!
But an actual relationship? That is worth a lot more. And a high-value man will understand that cultivating honesty with you from the beginning is important.
5. He Compliments You On Your Looks
When I’m legitimately interested in a woman, I’m not going to gush over her or put her on a pedestal – but I will complement her style and let her know that I really enjoy it!
I will make an effort to let her know that I’m into her.
Whereas, if it feels like you can’t even pry some compliments out of your guy – there is a chance that he may not be ‘that into you,’ and is just spending time with you to have something to do!
6. He Makes It Known That He Wants You Sexually, But Doesn’t Make That The Focus Of His Attention
Now, some men struggle with this. They might struggle with sexual escalation because they don’t want to offend or cross boundaries.
But with that being said, a high-value man will make it known that he desires you, but he won’t make sex with you the sole object of his focus.
He will want to learn about you. He will want to understand you, build trust, cultivate honesty, and study you a little bit.
If all he’s interested in is the sex, that is a sign that there is a problem somewhere. He may just be trying to get laid.
What if you can’t figure out if he’s into you sexually, though? Let’s talk about that as well.
How Do You Tell If A Guy Wants You Sexually? – 7 Signs
Obviously, some men don’t have a problem making this known.
But I also know that sometimes it isn’t so easy to tell!
Some men are shy, and they don’t come right out and let you know.
So here are some tips to let you know if that guy you’re hanging out with is actually interested in you on a sexual basis, and not just as a friend.
Top signs he wants you badly sexually:
- He responds to messages rather quickly
- He tries to spend time with you
- He goes out of his way to include you in his life
- He makes a move
- He talks about sex, intimacy, and dating when he’s around you
- He texts you – somewhat frequently
- He asks you out
Now let’s break these down and discuss them in greater depth.
1. He Responds To Messages Rather Quickly
If I’m sexually interested in a woman, and I get a text from her, it immediately grabs my attention.
I may not respond right away if I’m busy. But it WILL be on my priority list!
If your guy is taking days to respond, he is probably not actually that interested.
3. He Tries To Spend Time With You
Does he try to set up dates?
If he seems to be acting really friendly, and is also trying to schedule a date or a hangout – there is a chance that he is too shy to escalate, and is hoping that he can find a better opportunity to get the ball rolling!
3. He Goes Out Of His Way To Include You In His Life
Men who have a hard time escalating sexually will still usually make an effort to include you in their lives.
They will invite you to things, communicate with you, message back in a decent amount of time, etc.
Does he invite you to hang out with his friends? Is he inviting you to parties? Does he want to go to the movies with you?
Even if he hasn’t made a move yet, these are the types of invitations that suggest that he is into you, and is either working up to escalation or biding his time and waiting to get the courage!
4. He Makes A Move
Obviously, one of the most sure-fire signs that a man is interested in you sexually is that he’ll escalate with you physically.
Has he found some innocent, innocuous reasons to engage in a bit of physical contact with you?
He could be trying to signal the fact that he wants you, and is trying to see if you’re of the same mind.
5. He Talks About Sex, Intimacy, And Dating When He’s Around You
Not all men will do this. But here’s the thing.
If this guy is nervous and/or shy about hitting on you, he may try to ‘dip his toes’ into the water by making conversation about sex and/or dating before he broaches the subject directly with you.
This isn’t an alpha man’s way of hitting on women. But then again, alpha mentality men who are truly brave enough to make their wishes known are a bit of a rarity in this day and age.
6. He Texts You – Somewhat Frequently
If a man keeps texting you, and seems to be putting real, actual effort into the conversation – as if he’s trying to keep it going – then odds are good that he’s definitely into you.
Here’s the thing about men.
Usually, they’re pretty easy to read.
If he’s putting legitimate energy and/or effort into being around you and/or talking to you, he’s probably interested in you at least in a physical, sexual-attraction sense.
3 Signs He Wants You Badly Sexually Through Text
- He texts you rather frequently and seems to be putting effort into the conversation
- He makes an effort to flirt/joke with you
- He tries to schedule a date with you in real life
Sometimes, men also display their sexual interest in ‘less appealing ways,’ such as by sending dick picks, asking for nudes, and/or by trying to initiate ‘sexting’ conversations.
Just be wary of these types of men. These tend to be more ‘beta’ methods for displaying interest in a woman. An alpha mentality man will hit you up and boldly ask you out to make a move in-person, as opposed to hiding behind a screen to make his move.
7. He Asks You Out
Some women get this twisted.
They find it difficult to believe that a man is actually sexually interested if he doesn’t come right out and make it obvious.
Listen. Whenever I coach men, I always try to explain to them that it’s in their best interest to be straightforward and somewhat bold/honest with the women they’re interested in.
I let them know that women appreciate this.
But here’s the thing. Most men are just too shy/timid to come right out and boldly let you know that they’re sexually interested.
Instead, they may ask you out and try to conduct themselves as more ‘conservative’ gentlemen in an effort to broach the subject in a ‘safer’ manner.
So if you’re interested in him, and if he asks you out, you can be pretty sure that he also wants you sexually – even if he seems to be going about it with a certain measure of timidness and shyness.
In fact, you can sometimes get him to be a bit ‘more bold’ by making a few alpha-female moves of your own.
We do, after all, live in the 21st century. There’s nothing wrong with the woman taking the lead every now and then with a guy she’s actually interested in.
Just make sure that he’s willing to do some of the work. You don’t want a ‘lame duck’ beta male for a boyfriend!
3 Signs He’s Got It Bad For You
So, how can you tell if a guy actually has really strong feelings for you?
Well, there are 3 pretty surefire methods for determining this.
1. He’ll Try To Be Closer To You
Intentional proximity will tell you a lot about how much someone likes you and desires you.
Does he seem to constantly make moves to try to get closer to you? If so, he’s probably got some pretty serious feelings and/or a full-blown crush on you.
2. He’ll Try To Spend More Time Around You
When a man wants a woman and/or when he has strong feelings of infatuation and/or desire for her, he’ll try to spend as much time around her as possible.
This isn’t too surprising. Men love women. And they love the women they’re infatuated with even more.
All the more reason for why he’ll try to spend more time around you.
3. He’ll Send ‘Commitment Signals’
Does he often make small investments in your life that don’t directly correlate with getting him laid and/or impressing you?
Does he offer to do little things for you? Does he bring you little gifts, or do thoughtful little things for you that seem to indicate that he’s actually genuinely interested in you on a deeper level?
Whenever a man makes actual, significant investments in your life with his time, money, energy, or with any other resource at his disposal, this is usually referred to as a commitment signal.
It’s a signal that he’s not just trying to ‘jump through hoops’ for sex – but is, instead, actually trying to help you make your life better.
This is an important signal to watch for in the men you date and engage with, because it can tell you a lot about their level of emotional investment into the idea of channeling their resources to you.
If guys only perform actions that could possibly ‘get them laid,’ that could just be them chasing their instinct to ‘score.’
But if the man in your life actually does things that seem selflessly motivated to help you be happier, healthier, and/or just to help you have a better day – well, those types of investments are usually only made by people who genuinely care about you on a deeper level.
Why Does He Want Me So Bad?
Here’s the thing about men.
They’re instinctively hard-wired to pursue women whom they perceive as being attractive.
And if you’re attractive enough to him, and/or if the chemicals course through his brain in just the right fashion when he looks at you, smells you, makes eye contact with you, talks to you, touches you, spends time in close proximity to you, interacts with you, flirts with you, daydreams about you, etc. Well, it could be that nature is taking its course, and causing him to develop a full-fledged crush on you.
Women often underestimate the sexual power they often have over men.
The truth is that if a woman’s sexual value metrics are dialed in well enough, they’re usually literally a walking love-magnet. Men all around you are probably eyeing you with desire, and you may not even realize it.
But that’s just the way it is. Men are hardwired to love beautiful, attractive women. It’s been that way for millions of years, and those primordial instincts certainly haven’t gotten any weaker.
How To Tell What A Guy Wants From You
It’s sometimes difficult to tell the difference between a man who’s trying to ‘play you’ for sex, and a man who actually wants a relationship with you.
But honestly, the best way to know the difference is to be honest with yourself about what you see when you observe his behavior.
People are really good at saying things that aren’t completely true.
But it’s an altogether more complicated ordeal to fake your behavior.
That takes a lot of effort, and a lot of people simply won’t go to the trouble.
So always watch a man’s behavior, and try to figure out what’s motivating him.
If his words say one thing, and they seem to contradict his behavior, always trust the behavior over the words – even if the words sound pretty.
Remember – if a man wants to commit and make you his girlfriend, he will perform actions that indicate that he wants that with you.
If a man is doing things that really only lead you to believe that he’s trying to sleep with you, then that’s probably the truth behind his motivations.
Trust your instincts. If you’re honest with yourself and you look at the situation with rational self-awareness, you can almost always tell what’s actually motivating people to do what they’re doing (or to say what they’re saying).
Books To Help You Master Your Dating Life, Starting Today
By David M. Buss
If you truly want to understand the foundational principles of human mating behavior, this book is an alpha mentality MUST READ.
By Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss
This book is a MUST READ for anyone who wants to understand the complex nature of female mating behavior from a scientific and real-life perspective.
By Helen E. Fisher
If you want to truly understand the brain chemistry behind stuff like love, lust, attraction, desire, infatuation, etc. Then this book is a MUST READ.
By Vanessa Van Edwards
Every alpha must learn how to be charismatic – and this book is a MUST READ due to how well Vanessa Van Edwards teaches these skills within it. If you want to master your own charisma and level up your ability to succeed with people, this book is crucial!
By Matthew Hussey
If you’re an alpha-minded woman who wants to increase your odds of dating success, then this book is a MUST READ.
By Stephan Labossiere
If you keep finding yourself getting stuck in the same dead-end situations with men who say one thing and do another, this book is a MUST READ. It’s full of practical wisdom to help women understand some of the confusing things men do and say while dating.
In Conclusion – Signs He Wants You Bad
Hopefully this post has helped you to understand when men actually want you bad.
I get it. Men can be difficult to figure out sometimes.
But taking a close look at what he’s doing, how he is acting, and where in his priority list you seem to fit in can tell you a great deal about whether or not the future you are imagining is, indeed, imagined, or very possible!
Go with grace, my ladies. And never give up your power!
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus