The best way to ask a girl out.
This is a tough topic! A lot of men struggle with this. They want to date, engage with women, and have thriving relationship/sex lives.
But if you don’t know how to ask a girl out, how are you supposed to date?
In this post, I’m going to break it all down for you, and give you everything you need to know to start asking girls out on dates!
Believe it or not, it doesn’t have to be rocket science!
You can keep it super, super simple, and still be insanely successful!
What Is The Best Way To Ask A Girl Out: My Personal Ramblings On The Topic
Here is a YouTube video I posted where I talk about this topic in more detail. Make sure to check it out!
The Best Way To Ask A Girl Out
In my experience (and I have quite a lot of it) the best way to ask a girl out either over the phone… or even better, in person.
I’m not a huge fan of scheduling dates over text.
Does it happen a lot? Yes.
Does it work? Absolutely. Many men schedule dates with women over text.
But in my experience, I really prefer to schedule something over the phone or in person.
Why? Because I think it lends to better connection-building. I really believe that successful dating requires you to successfully build connections. And it is actually pretty difficult to build a strong connection over text.
Once again, it does happen. But I always prefer it when men call her up, or walk up to her and ask her in person.
Make Sure To Make Your Desire Known
When asking a woman out on a date, make sure to make your desires known.
Many men try to make dates sound innocent and innocuous (almost like friend get-togethers), because they are afraid of coming on too strong.
Many men are afraid to come out and display their sexual attraction with boldness.
But in doing so, they actually weaken their desirability!
If a woman is interested in you, she wants to detect that interest. To a point, you need to choose a direction when you approach a woman to ask her out.
- You can approach her as a friend
- You can approach her as a person of sexual interest
Now, there are obviously caveats to this. If you’ve known a woman as a friend first, the sexual chemistry may develop later on. But if it does, you need to switch over to that mode and approach her as a potential lover… not try to stay in friend territory.
Women are more sensitive to this than you might imagine, and it is a fine line to walk sometimes.
You need to be able to treat her as well as you would treat any friend, but also sprinkle on that extra dash of sexual attraction to really make the sparks fly!
Women will be turned off if they don’t detect that desire in your energy!
This Has Even Happened To Me!
I once went on a date with a woman. We took a walk at the park and had a great time. Early on in the date, I made sure to escalate and make my intentions known.
But half-way through the date, I started to feel a little bit tired, and my enthusiasm waned a bit. As a result, I settled more into a ‘friendship banter’ kind of mode, where I just talked to her without really flirting.
When I asked her out again, I was really surprised when she said ‘no.’
I came to find out that she had taken my ‘friendly banter’ as a sign that I wasn’t interested in her! And even more surprising, she said that she detected it part way through the date… leading her to believe that I had ceased to be interested in her after starting out so strong and flirtatious.
It is really interesting how seriously women take the energy you put out. If you want her to be aware of your sexual interest, you really need to display it… but you need to do so tactfully, without coming off as crass or putting all of your cards out on the table.
I know, it sounds counter-intuitive! But that is how dating works sometimes. It isn’t a black and white game. It’s a subtle, social energy-game where you need to do a little bit of everything at the right time!
The Best Thing To Remember, Though, Is That Your Natural Energy Is Usually Correct
Generally, if we are really interested in a woman, our natural energy levels will tend to be high. In fact, it is really common for men to go overboard with their sexual enthusiasm, and they may come off as clingy or desperate.
So, it’s a fine line to walk. But don’t overthink it, either. Be yourself, do the best you can, and act natural.
It’s all about achieving that high-value male status. If you are a strong, self-reliant, self-responsible man who validates himself, you will tend to give off emotionally healthy vibes, and you will be much more likely to make the right moves when you follow your own intuition.
Becoming A High Value Man Is The Key
This is where we build our foundation, as men.
If we need a woman to validate us, our natural instinct is going to be to get clingy.
If we don’t actually care at all about a woman, our natural instinct is going to be to act cold and distant.
But… if you are a self-validated man who is legitimately interested in a woman, that firm foundation will send you in the right direction… because your natural instincts will then tend to guide you in a healthier, more attractive direction.
So the better we do at creating that emotional foundation for ourselves, the more we will be able to trust our authentic instincts when engaging with a woman.
What Is A Cute Way To Ask A Girl Out?
Try to find a unique, endearing way to ask a woman out.
My girlfriend actually asked me out (or at least brought it up first), and I was very pleasantly surprised by it.
However, it doesn’t always go down that way! Oftentimes, as men, we need to take the initiative and do the asking!
I’ve asked women out over the phone, in person, and over text.
I try to find a way to appeal to her with shared common interests.
For example… if I learned that a woman shared my love for tacos, I might call her up and say “Hey, grab some tacos with me tomorrow night!”
Pro Tip: Write Her A Little Note
This is going to sound made up. But I swear, it actually works, and it can leave a really fun impression! It sounds like some weak shit… but women love sweet things like this, if you do it well.
It works best in a coffee shop, bar, or restaurant.
Write a little message on a napkin that says…
Question: Will you go to dinner with me? Circle your answer
This is so silly, and so middle-school-ish. But, it gets right to the heart of the light-heartedness that we are supposed to feel when we are pursuing someone we are interested in.
Cultivate A Fun Sense Of Humor While Asking Women Out
Dating isn’t supposed to be hot and heavy all the time. It’s supposed to make us laugh, give us memorable stories, and above all… it is supposed to be FUN!
So don’t be afraid to show your sense of humor. It actually goes a long way toward making the dating experience memorable.
I actually struggle with this a lot. I have to constantly remind myself to chill out, have fun, and not be so serious all the time!
How Do I Ask A Girl Out Over Text?
When texting a girl, try to avoid stale, boring texts like “What’s up?”
Give her something to work with.
A friend of mine gave me super good advice, and it works like a charm!
Text her this question.
Sweet, or salty?
This is such a good text opener, because it totally throws the conversation into unknown territory, right from the beginning. It will engage her interest, and if she’s legitimately interested in you, it will have her hooked.
When she answers, don’t waste time. Ask her out!
You: Sweet or salty?
Her: hmmm… Sweet
You: Awesome! Then get icecream with me this Friday night at the Ice Cream Place. 7 PM. Sound like a plan?
You would be amazed at how well this one simple tip works.
But the main idea is to give her something interesting, fun, and playful to work with.
How Do I Ask Out My Crush?
If you already have a crush on a woman, asking her out can be even more difficult.
But really, it is important that you treat her like any other guy or girl.
Don’t put your crush on a pedestal. Don’t give her special treatment. Don’t change your plans for her!
Go through the motions and ask her out. Be charming, engaging, and fun.
If she says no, it is all good! Now you have your answer, and you can stop pining after her and move on to someone else.
If she says ‘yes,’ even better! Take her out and sweep her off her feet!
Here are some dating tips to keep in mind while engaging with her.
When Should You Ask A Girl Out?
As a general rule, I like to make sure that the woman doesn’t seem super busy before I walk up to her.
I also like to look for green lights before walking up to her.
Did you catch her staring at you? Did she smile at you? Did she strike up a conversation with you and engage with you?
These are all possible signs that she may have already noticed you.
But even if she didn’t do these things, that doesn’t mean that you can’t still walk up to her and engage.
If she seems really busy, I may be more likely to slip her my card, give her a goofy wink, and say ‘call me! I’d like to hang out with you sometime.’
It doesn’t always work, but you never know!
If time allows, engage her in conversation with an opener.
Here are some of my favorite cold-openers for approaching women.
But you don’t even need to stick to these. Come up with your own, that reflect your own personality!
Being genuine and unique are both huge upsides that will get you better results!
Engage her in conversation for a minute or two, then make your move. Ask for her number, or ask her out on a date.
“I have to run, but you seem super cool! Want to meet up for tacos tomorrow evening?”
“Hey, I have to go – but let me get your number! I’ll text you!”
In Conclusion – What Is The Best Way To Ask A Girl Out?
Let’s just restate the important steps, for clarification.
- Make your desire known
- Be bold, but fun
- Keep the energy level high
- Don’t take it too seriously
- Do something cute to get her attention
- Be yourself
And last, but definitely not least, don’t get mad if she says no!
Thank her for her time, and move along with your life.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
See you on the next one.
Joshua K. Sigafus