What is the victim mentality… and why is it so destructive?
In this post, I’m going to talk about exactly that. And I’m going to give you 3 reasons for why it is one of the most self-destructive mindsets to have.
As alpha males, we need to be really careful not to let this mentality pervade our thinking.
So let’s dive in.
What Is Victim Mentality? Defining The Term
As it turns out, Victim Mentality… also called ‘victim syndrome’ or ‘victim complex,’ is actually a real thing.
It isn’t a medical term. In fact, most health professionals stay away from the term because there is a lot of stigma.
But in general, this mentality is characterized by 3 main beliefs.
If you have a victim mentality, you will likely…
- Believe that bad things happen to you, and believe that they will continue to happen to you
- Believe that other circumstances and/or people are to blame for those bad things
- Believe that any effort to change these bad things will fail, which basically means that there is no point in trying to make it better
One clearly defining characteristic of people who embrace a victim mentality is that they tend to shun or reject accountability.
They make excuses, blame other people, say that ‘it only happened because so and so did this…’ etc.
In other words, they have a lot of trouble owning up to their part of whatever the bad thing was, and taking responsibility for it, as well as for its presence in their life.
It is pretty obvious that a belief system like this is a direct contradiction to the alpha male way.
I’m not going to mince words here. I think that victim mentality runs rampant in our culture. I think that men and women can have it.
All-too-often, men act like victims when women don’t want to hook up or have sex.
But women can also tend to act like victims, and blame other people for their own problems!
And I think that it does far more damage than anyone realizes.
Why Is It So Destructive?
The main reason for why victim mentality is so destructive is that it completely throws rationality to the wind and embraces chaos.
Here is what I mean by that.
Whenever you cry out to outside forces to save you from a problem, you are making your life more chaotic… because you legitimately have no control over outside forces.
Sometimes, we don’t have a choice in the matter.
For example. If my house is on fire, I am going to call the fire department.
Is this a chaotic situation? Yes.
But… am I going to do everything I can to make that situation better?
I’m going to make sure that everyone gets out safely. I’m going to alert the neighbors to make sure that they are safe. I’m going to call the fire department and make sure that they know about the situation.
And when the fire is over, I’m going to pick up the pieces and fix my life.
In other words… I’m not going to just lay down, scream and cry, and whine, saying things like ‘poor me, things never work out for me! If my boss paid me more, I could have bought a newer house and been safer from a fire… so it’s my boss’s fault!…’ etc.
And so, we do what we can to create order in this situation, leaving only the things we have literally no option to fix up to chaos.
But here is the problem.
A lot of people think, or claim, that there is nothing they can do… when in fact, there is A LOT that they could be doing to make the situation better.
Call it laziness, call it a lack of motivation, call it a habit of always playing the victim, etc.
Call it whatever you want… but, it is a real thing… and I see it almost every single day.
Let’s create an example here. We will use the name Greg as an example.
This Is What Victim Mentality Looks Like
Greg has a good job and a nice life. His bills are paid, and he has a girlfriend.
But one day, Greg loses his job.
That sucks! That is always a tough situation.
So, what does Greg do? Well, he starts to get really stressed out because he is not sure how he will be able to pay his bills.
And so, because of the stress, he takes a few days off and just lays in bed and watches movies.
He claims that this will help him to feel better.
He also starts to apply for jobs online, but his resume is really outdated… so he doesn’t get any call-backs.
He starts to blame the current economic climate… talking about how there are ‘no jobs available’ and talking about how ‘it is impossible to make it in this world if you are just a normal guy who wants to work hard.’
He also refuses to work a minimum wage job, saying that he ‘deserves better than that!’
Because of his new negative attitude, his girlfriend leaves him. She says that he isn’t taking initiative, and that he is just acting like a victim and blaming everyone else for his problems.
This makes him sink further into depression. He finally gets kicked out of his apartment, and has to move back in with his parents because he can’t afford his bills.
He starts to play video games and watch shows even more now, because he has no girlfriend and no job.
When he does get a callback for a job, he is so depressed that he needs to call into work several times per week because he just ‘can’t do it… it is too stressful right now.’
This is an example of what seems like a really tough situation… but in reality, there are a lot of things that Greg could have done better.
What Could Have Gone Differently?
First off, as soon as Greg lost his job, he could have updated his resume and started job hunting.
He probably would have found a job so quickly that his bills would still have been paid!
If he didn’t know how to update his resume, he could have paid someone else to do it.
If he didn’t have money to pay someone to do it, he could have asked a friend or family member to help him.
If nobody took the time to help him, he could have watched some YouTube videos, and did the best job he could on his own.
What if he didn’t have a computer? Well, he could have gone to the library.
If not that, he could have asked a friend to let him borrow a computer for an evening.
If the friend was hesitant, Greg could have offered to make a trade. He would mow their lawn in exchange for giving him access to their computer, etc.
What if Greg couldn’t find a ride to their house?
Well, he could walk. Or, he could take the bus. Or, he could call an Uber.
What if he had no money for an Uber?
Well, he could ask that same friend for a ride! If the friend was hesitant, Greg could offer to not only mow the lawn, but also to do their laundry for a day as a trade!
The Simple Truth Is This… We Can Either See Ourselves As Victims, Or As Opportunistic
In life, we have two choices in pretty much every situation.
Yes, bad things happen. That is tough!
But when they do happen, there is always something we can do to try to make it better.
The most successful people in the world are people who found opportunities in their hardships instead of sinking downward into a victim mentality.
These are the types of people who tend to rise-up, no matter what happens.
Why? Because their mindset is totally different!
They do not allow themselves to live life as a victim. They’re like a lion, not a lamb! They happen to life instead of just sitting back and letting life happen to them.
3 Simple Ways That A Victim Mentality Can Slowly Kill You
I see victim mentality as a truly deadly condition of the mind.
If we allow it to overtake us, we will inevitably perish.
Because our mindset is foundational to our success.
On this blog, my goal is to teach men how to win with women by showing them how to be high-value men.
And if we want to be high-value men, we must learn to leave our victim mentality at the door.
Here are 3 simple ways that a victim mentality can destroy us…
It Steals Our Power
When you constantly claim that nothing is your fault, take zero responsibility, and fail to see the opportunities in every situation, you give away all of your power to the chaos around you.
Choose better than this!
Choose to work hard, take action, and constantly level up!
Instead of wasting time… invest in yourself and make your situation better!
You have this incredible opportunity every day to choose to level up your life!
Please take it and run with it, every day!
It Forces Us To Give Up Our Choices
I don’t know about you… but I want to choose my own destiny.
I want to win in life, and be successful. I want to work hard, and pursue the things I love… and then I want to enjoy the wins, and learn from the losses.
But when we succumb to a victim mentality, we give away that choice.
Instead, we rely on someone else to come and save us.
This whole game is mind over matter! And as alpha men, we must get our mind in the game so that we can program ourselves to be winners!
It Makes Us Weak, Defenseless, And Pitiful
There is nothing more pitiful, less effective, and less attractive than a victim.
When you walk up on a wild animal caught in a bear trap, do you see it whining and complaining, blaming you for its problem?
No… it uses every ounce of strength it has left to snarl at you and fight to the death.
Even as it slowly dies, it will bite your hand off if you give it the option.
Why? Because it refuses to stop fighting until it is dead.
That animal will not relent until it literally has no more strength left.
Because it isn’t a victim… It is a survivor, a fighter, and a predator.
This isn’t to say that we should turn away help. We must be wise enough to know when accepting help is the right thing.
But we must also learn to become the animal in the trap… the animal that is still dangerous and on the hunt for success, even with one leg out of commission!
That is what we need to be, men. We need to be so powerful that even when we get knocked down, we are still effective.
As modern men, we need to constantly hunt our own success like a lion stalks its prey. We need to be constantly working toward it, ready to pounce when we see an opportunity to strike.
How do we achieve this strength?
It is all in our mind.
In Conclusion: Destroy Your Victim Mentality
Today, let’s choose to destroy our victim mentality.
Let’s choose to rise above this frame of mind, and become true, powerful, effective alpha male leaders.
This is what the alpha male journey is all about.
Go with grace, my friends. And never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus