As men, the question of what do women want in a man is generally resting somewhere near the top of the list of questions we desire answers to in life.
Indeed, women can be a mystery—and what they desire in a partner can be equally mysterious.
Recently, I got an email from a reader reiterating this exact same question.
I’m going to cut the email down to the most basic points for the sake of brevity. But here’s essentially what it said.
“I’ve read on other blogs that women don’t really care about looks, wealth, or status in men, and that all they care about and are attracted to are men who appear confident and not needy. But on your blog, you often talk about how the primary male sexual value metrics are wealth, status, power, tribal connections, leadership ability, and an athletic body. Can you please explain more about these attributes, and why women are attracted to them?”
This was an excellent question. And it’s my pleasure to discuss this topic further.
I spent years of my life literally delving into this exact same question, trying to answer it for myself when I didn’t know what was truth and what was fiction on the modern dating landscape.
Now, years later—and with a massively successful dating life to show for my education and effort—I’m pleased to report that the answer is actually a lot simpler than most men think.
Let’s dive into it and discuss it.
Here’s the answer to the question of what do women want in a man.
What Every Woman Wants In A Man
Obviously, every woman is going to be slightly different based on her own personality type, experiences, culture, and preferences.
However, underneath all of this individual stuff, it’s important to understand that virtually all women are still operating with the same basic human mating behavior ‘software’ programming.
And this programming was inherited from their ancestors—along a long, unbroken line of evolutionary success stories.
The basic answer to this question is that attraction and romance are actually highly evolved survival mechanisms.
We could go really in-depth on this topic and make it a lot more complicated.
But for the sake of this blog post, I’m going to try to keep it as simple as possible.
Basically, the instincts that compel women to feel attraction and romance toward the men they feel these things for are deeply rooted in their instincts for survival.
Thus, they’re actually instinctually attracted to men who display the types of traits and qualities that are most likely to contribute in a positive way to her survivability, safety, wellness, and security in life.
Now, keep in mind—this is not an exact science.
And since this is a subconscious, instinctual behavior for most women, sometimes the wires get crossed and the instincts don’t exactly line up with the rational end goal.
However, this does form the basis for why women care about the things they care about, and helps us to explain what they find attractive in potential sexual mates.
What Does A Woman Want In A Relationship With A Man?
At the baseline instinctual level, women want to trade access to their reproductive faculties (which are highly valuable, and which is an act that puts a woman [and potentially her offspring] at significant physical, emotional, and social risk) for the channeling of a man’s resources to her as an investment in her safety, security, and well-being as a partner.
This is the ‘trade’ that women are looking for, on an instinctual level, when choosing a mate—and of course, women have evolved to want an ‘equal or greater’ trade for the value of what they’re bringing to the table (their feminine beauty, their desirability, the peace they bring to a man’s life, their qualities as a homemaker, their ability to provide offspring and procreate, etc.).
This sets the stage for the ‘give and take’ that exists within sexual/romantic human pair-bonding relationships.
It also sets the stage for how men and women approach the dating marketplace with slightly different goals and strategies, and from different ends of the gender paradigm spectrum.
Keep in mind, once again, that this is mostly all instinctual.
Humans engage in these processes without really thinking about them or even understanding them.
This is partly why I talk about this stuff. Because understanding how this process works can give you a massive advantage in helping you to level up your ability to succeed at it.
At the basic core fundamental level, women want to trade their feminine sexual value in exchange for the masculine values that will help to secure them a safe and successful place in the world—for both them and their offspring.
What A Woman Desires Most In A Man
What women desire most on the dating marketplace is a man who can effectively increase their odds for survival.
But how do women determine this?
They do so by looking for a range of important traits—and I call these the primary male sexual value metrics.
Let’s talk about them.
What Makes A Man Attractive—The 7 Primary Male Sexual Value Metrics (And Why They Matter For Attraction)
1. High-Quality Genetics
This is really the only attraction factor that you don’t have direct control over as a man.
However, even though you can’t technically control the quality of your genes, you can control how well you display them, and how good you make them look when you broadcast them.
The idea behind this is simple.
Women want a man who looks like a powerful, healthy, attractive, intelligent genetic specimen.
And the reasons for this are quite clear.
Their instincts drive them to select this type of man because he’s going to have an advantage in the business of life survival—for himself and for his tribe.
He’s also going to give her an advantage when it comes to procreation, because his genes will lead to stronger offspring with a better chance of survivability in their own right.
2. Wealth (And Resource Potential)
In our primitive history, wealth would have probably been measured as the store of resources like food, water, tools, a strong shelter, a perimeter encampment to keep the tribes safe from predators and invaders, etc.
Nowadays, wealth is basically your store of financial value (i.e. your net worth).
Resource potential is slightly different.
Resource potential is your ability and affinity to generate resources at will, and an indication of how your financial trajectory will look (either positive or negative) over time.
Women are attracted to both of these things for obvious reasons.
In the modern day and age, financial wealth and the ability to accumulate it at will are basically the modern-day equivalents of being a successful hunter-gatherer in more primitive times.
A woman who chooses a wealthy man with high resource potential as a mate acquires (for herself and her offspring) some extra safety and security over the woman who selects a poor man with poor future resource potential.
This is why it seems like, in our culture, women are sometimes referred to as ‘gold diggers,’ and why men with fancy cars, nice suits, expensive boats, beautiful houses, etc. are sometimes seen as more attractive.
These physical assets are basically wealth and status symbols—and they represent a man’s net worth, as well as his ability to generate additional resources in the future.
Your status as a man is basically your standing and ranking among other men and women in your social circles.
A man with a higher status confers upon his family and tribe a higher level of survivability, due to his higher rank within the tribal infrastructure.
Men with higher status tend to make more money, have better networks, wield more power within the tribe, are more respected, and confer greater benefits to their immediate family.
All throughout history, women have desired powerful men as mates—and the reasons for this are pretty simple.
The more power a man wields, the more formidable and effective he tends to be as a man when it comes to the business of providing survival, safety, and security for his tribe.
This factor encompasses not only physical power, but also intellectual power, social power, economic power, political power, etc.
A weak man with little power isn’t going to be seen as being as attractive as a man who wields a lot of power.
In fact, women will often choose ‘powerful assholes’ over ‘kind men who are weak’ for exactly this reason.
Yes, rationally, women will admit that it’s probably smarter to choose a kind man who’s weaker over a potentially violent or angry asshole who wields a lot of power.
However, as you’ll often see evidenced by the ‘bad boy stereotype,’ (which actually holds a lot of truth) women often can’t help their instincts for these things, and will continually gravitate toward men they perceive as being more powerful.
5. Tribal Connections (The Value Of His Network)
It’s often been said that your network is your net worth.
Well, there’s so much truth to this that women have literally evolved to pay attention to it.
A man with a high-profile network, who mingles with real movers, shakers, and other individuals of power, is going to be seen as being much more attractive than men who sit alone in their bedrooms skulking by themselves.
In fact, there’s a social dynamic to this that women look for as well.
The man stands in the center of the room at a party, regaling others with jokes and fun stories, will often elicit greater attention and higher attraction levels from women than men who quietly sit by themselves in the dark corner, only listening and never contributing to the social environment.
The reasons for why women instinctually prefer men with strong tribal connections are pretty clear.
The better a man’s network is, and the better he is at creating a high-value network, the more opportunities he’s going to have in life. And thus, the better his chances are going to be of building things like wealth, social status, and power for himself and his family.
6. Leadership Ability
Women have a strong instinct to look forward into the future.
In fact, when they start to lose respect for a man and/or start to doubt that this man is capable of leading his family in a victorious direction in life, there’s a strong probability that if a more powerful, secure, leadership-oriented man were to enter the picture, she might naturally monkey branch over to him as her desires are pulled, by virtue of her instincts, to this potential new suitor who could potentially offer a ‘better deal’ for her life and survival.
This is another trope that, while often decried by women, more often than not plays itself out as being true.
And to be honest, you can’t really blame women for acting this way.
The truth of the matter is that a woman must be diligent about the forward trajectory of her life, and the life of her offspring, if she wants to survive and thrive.
And if the man she’s involved with shows signs of heading for some kind of disaster, and/or is spiraling downward, then her instincts basically tell her:
“You need to take action here. If this ship goes down, you and your children go down with it. It may be time to bail and find a more ‘secure ship’ for the journey into the future.”
This is also the reason for why it sometimes seems like women tend to leave men when they strike upon hard times in life.
However, contrary to popular belief, it’s not the striking upon hard times that causes women to want to jump ship.
What causes women to want to jump ship is when the man hits upon hard times, succumbs to chaos, and then loses his ability to make plans to move forward and fix the situation.
Men who panic, and/or men who seem to wallow in disaster or misfortune, will quickly lose the respect and attraction of the women in their frame—even if those women, up until this point, have always been attracted to them.
Like I always say—women smell weakness in men like a shark smells blood in the water!
5 Key Leadership Attraction Qualities Women Look For In A Man
Here are a few of the specific leadership qualities that women look for in men.
- He’s a man with a plan (he has a vision and goals for his life)
- He’s a hard worker
- He’s empathetic, kind, and respectful
- He invests in his family and tribe
- He’s committed to helping his family survive, thrive, and succeed
7. An Athletic Body (Health, Wellness, Fitness, And Aesthetics)
Health, wellness, fitness, and just general overall physical power and athleticism also matter to women.
And the reasons for this are pretty simple as well.
A healthy body conveys higher levels of not only health, wellness, and physical prowess, but also fertility.
Think about what would have happened to a tribal woman in ancient history if she were to pair-bond with a lame, limp, or physically weak male partner.
As they struggled to navigate the dangerous landscape of the primitive world and wilderness, the woman would have been forced to carry a heavier load and bear more of a burden for survival—simply because the man she chose was a weaker specimen, and wouldn’t have been capable of pulling as much weight.
This definitely would have caused them to move across the landscape slower, would have rendered them unable to carry as much food with them, and would have made them more vulnerable to dangers like predators and enemies they may encounter on the journey.
Not to mention—there also would have been an underlying fear that any children born of this man’s genetics might inherit his same weakness—and thus, only further render their family unit incapable of long-term survival and thriving.
By contrast, a woman who chose a healthy, fit, athletic man who was powerful and vital would have stood much better chances for survival.
This type of man would have been better equipped to carry food, hunt, and protect the family from danger.
Plus, his woman could be reasonably assured that children born to him would acquire these strong, athletic traits—and thus, would create positive forward momentum for tribe survival in the future.
Therefore, it’s no mystery that women are instinctually hardwired to prefer men with an athletic V-shaped torso, strong muscles, and defined abs as opposed to men who have a beer gut, who are overweight, and/or who give off other signs of a lack of physical health and fitness.
How To Increase Your Attraction Levels As A Man
The basic process of increasing your attraction as a man is the process of leveling up to become an alpha-mentality man—the type of man who can lead, care for, nurture, and protect a family (tribe) from danger. This lies right at the core of the sexual masculine evolutionary mandate—to generate resources, solve problems, and provide safety and security for his tribe and family.
So now, we’re going to talk specifically about the steps I took to help me achieve a higher attraction status as a man in my own life.
1. Embrace The Alpha Mentality
This is always the first step in the process.
The definition of alpha mentality is simply this…
Being ‘alpha’ means: to take action-oriented, intentional control of your life energy, resources, and strategic trajectory—embracing radical self-responsibility, shirking victim mentality, and determining to utilize your time and resources wisely to proactively create a meaningful, signiﬁcant destiny and lasting legacy of greatness in the world.
(Note: If you want to learn more about this alpha-mentality business, download my free ebook: An Introduction To The Alpha Mentality: The Evolutionary Key To Succeeding At Dating, Relationships, Business, Fitness, And Everything Else That Matters. It’ll explain everything you need to know to get a basic understanding of what this means.)
2. Mind Your Business
Minding your business is basically my way of describing the process of seeing to the vital infrastructures of your life in order to take full responsibility and control over your resources.
In other words:
- Start paying your bills on time.
- Make sure to pay your taxes.
- Make sure that you show up to work on time.
- Make sure that you’re doing everything within your power to keep your life moving forward at a stable and consistent trajectory.
This speaks to basic self-responsibility, and is a massively important starting point for building true masculine attraction.
3. Get Your Money
As men, if we want to be attractive, we must be committed to the process of building financial wealth and resource potential for ourselves.
If you want to learn more about my alpha mentality plan for building wealth in life and reaching six figures (and even a million dollar net worth and beyond), read this blog post: 9 Steps For How To Build Sustainable Wealth.
4. Pursue Your Purpose In Life
Do you know what your purpose is as a man?
Do you know what your mission in life is?
Do you know what types of things you want to accomplish in your life, and how you want to make a real difference in the world?
Men who don’t know how to answer these types of questions will struggle with attraction because they’ll be seen as men without a certain direction or a definitive plan for their life.
Men who don’t understand what their purpose is will also tend to send out weaker masculine signals, because they’ll basically be men adrift in the world without a concrete direction to invest in and move forward in.
Contrary to popular belief, women do not want to be a man’s mission.
They want to join a high value man on his mission and go on the adventure of life with him.
But without a mission in life, and without understanding what that mission is, you’re going to struggle to be able to achieve the rank of high value man.
To learn more about how to find your purpose in life, check out this blog post: How To Find Your Life Purpose And Achieve It – In 11 Steps.
5. Level Up Mind, Body, And Spirit
As men, we must always be striving to become better versions of ourselves.
This means leveling up mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and in any other manner that we can manage.
This is non-negotiable.
It’s vitally important to be leveling up.
A man who isn’t leveling up is going to stagnate, and then deteriorate.
This will lead you away from high-value status and attraction.
6. Become 1% Better Every Day Than You Were Yesterday
If you really wish to be attractive to women, as a man, then it’s crucial for you to ultimately become a better version of yourself.
You don’t have to achieve everything overnight. You don’t have to be perfect today in order to start succeeding with women.
But you do need to consistently become a better version of yourself, and always be in a better place, with a better plan, and executing on those plans more effectively today than you did yesterday.
As long as you follow this basic formula, you’ll always increase in value.
And that’s really the whole point.
7. Develop Your Leadership Ability
It’s crucial to learn how to be a leadership minded man if you really want to succeed with women and lead your tribe forward to a successful future.
You can’t fake this part.
You must truly become a capable and wise leader.
You can read this post to learn more about how to do this: How To Be A Leader – 21 Alpha Leadership Qualities That Truly Matter.
8. Embrace True Masculine Frame
A lot of men misunderstand this part of the conversation.
And to be honest, going back to the email question about how men need to be confident and not needy or clingy all comes back to this value.
A lot of men are at war with their own masculinity because they’re trying to date and act like women in our modern society.
But this does men a great disservice.
It’s crucial to be in touch with your own masculinity, and to learn exactly how to become a strong and capable man.
To learn more about this, listen to this podcast episode: How To Become More Manly – 6 Tips.
9. Shirk The Victim Mentality
An alpha mentality man cannot be alpha and be a victim.
Therefore, it’s crucial that if you want to level up in your attraction, you need to get rid of the victim mentality and take full responsibility for your life, existence, and destiny.
And this leads us to our final point…
10. Embrace Radical Self-Responsibility
As a man, the buck must always stop with you.
As a high-value man, you must always be the commander in chief, the consoler in chief, and the one who makes himself responsible for tribal success.
- Your tribe may just be you right now—and that’s totally fine.
- Your tribe may just be you and your cats right now.
- Your tribe may be you and your family, or you and your girlfriend.
- Your tribe may be you and the company you started, and the employees who work beneath you.
Whatever your ‘tribe’ is, it’s vitally important that you begin taking responsibility for the success of that tribe, and investing every single day in striving to make every person in your tribe as successful as possible.
You can’t just give excuses and say, “Oh, it’s not my problem,” etc.
As men, we must assume the great, heavy burden of success for ourselves and our families.
This is a vital value that will help to make you more attractive, but it will also make you more effective—and really, that’s the whole point.
Hopefully, this blog post has helped you to understand the ultimate answer to the question: What do women want in a man?
The answer is simple.
They want an effective, competent, formidable, high-value man who’s capable of creating amazing success in this life for himself, his tribe, and his family.
If you can become this type of man, you will solve all of your dating problems.
If you don’t figure out how to become this type of man, you’re always going to struggle to win with high-value women.
This is just the simple truth of the matter.
This was how I solved my dating problems and conquered my own dating life.
And this is the answer for you as well.
Go with grace, my friends—and never give up your power.
This is Joshua K. Sigafus, signing off.
See you on the next one!