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What Does Family mean To You

What Does Family Mean To You? – The Alpha Male Perspective

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What does family mean to you?

This is one of my favorite quotes from a book I’ve been reading recently.

“Although I am aware of the cliche that if you give someone a hammer everything looks like a nail, I’ve come to believe that human mating strategies permeate nearly every human endeavor. I see them everywhere. They shape status hierarchies among women and foster sexual treachery among men. They delay male puberty early in life while causing premature death at the other end – both products of mate competition.” 

David M. Buss – The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating

Human mating strategies absolutely affect every human endeavor… especially when it comes to building a family.

The only problem is that most men do not understand human mating strategies!

Have you ever felt confused about what ‘family’ means? 

Have you ever felt like you just don’t really belong in any sort of group, unit, or tribe?

A lot of men these days want to start their own families. They want to find a nice girl, settle down, have a couple of kids, and start a family with her. 

The only problem is that this plan often doesn’t end well. 

Marriages fail. People cheat. People leave. 

There is no such thing as assurance in anything… especially when it comes to marriage

In fact, there is a lot of evidence for the fact that marriage might be a dying institution. And to be quite honest, I don’t have a problem with that. 

My Background And The Beginning Of My Alpha Male Journey

I got married very young. I wanted a family. I wanted to chase that dream. 

But it didn’t work out. 

My wife ended up ‘falling out of love with me.’ We got a divorce, and I was left confused as to what the word ‘family’ even meant for me! 

At the age of 31, I was basically out on my own… with nobody to really call family

I got so depressed that I spent 6 months virtually alone in an apartment, grieving for my lost marriage and family. 

But during this time, I also put myself back together, and realized that I needed to change my outlook

The Major Problem With How Most Men View The Concept Of Family

In the natural world, relationships didn’t work like this. 

Men and women did whatever they could to further their survival. And since the beginning of time, sex and relationships were a ‘survival strategy,’ rather than a romantic pursuit. 

In fact, the only real reason that we find ‘pleasure’ in sexual relationships with a partner is because this has been programmed into us through millennia of evolution. 

Our ancestors needed to mate to survive and perpetuate the species. 

This is a very complicated science, and I am not scientist… but in essence, what we see is that most people look at sex and ‘partnering up’ with a backwards mindset. 

They are chasing the ‘romance’ itself, instead of mating to survive and thrive. 

So as men, we need to change this in our own lives. 

(Want to become a true alpha male? Here is a 23 step guide to getting started!)

The goal is not to find a woman, start a family with her, and try to make it all work together. 

The goal is to start your own family and chase excellence on your own as the first step.

What Does Family Mean To You: The Real Reason Why Most Men Have Trouble Establishing, And Building, A Family

Why do men have such a difficult time building functioning, long-lasting families in our modern culture? 

Because there can be no such thing as two effective top-level leaders in one family unit

And it will always fall to the alpha male to lead the pack (or in some cases, an alpha female if there isn’t a powerful enough alpha male present or available)… to become the cornerstone of the tribe, family, and community. 

I am not saying that non-alphas do not have important roles. In fact the entire concept of ‘community’ is one that is heavily influenced by the need for survival, and by the realization that no man, not even an alpha man, can survive completely on his own. 

Humans were not designed that way. 

Everyone needs something

This is why we are social creatures. Every person can contribute in their own way.

In fact, you really only need one alpha male (or alpha female, in some cases) in a family unit to make it successful.  

But in ‘marriage culture,’ where a man and a woman meet, and create some kind of ‘joint family unit’ with both of them sitting in partnership at the head of that unit, with equal amounts of power and influence… well, this approach is simply irrational. 

Why? 

Because both of these humans, the man and the woman, have slightly different goals, values, desires, visions for the future, core sexual programming, and motivations. 

They can try to work together, but this will cause both of them to have to compromise. 

At the end of the day, the core sexual programming of the woman wants the man to be in control and capable of protecting and providing for his tribe

This is what attracts her to him. 

So if they are both equal, and the man needs to submit to her in any way, shape, or form… this becomes very confusing to the woman. 

She sees this as kind, but she also sees him as ‘weaker’ for doing so. 

If you don’t agree, look at all of the marriages that failed despite the man working hard, letting his wife spend his money, him buying her the perfect ring she wanted, him trying to please her with fancy dates, special nights out, etc. 

Only to end up with her ‘falling out of love’ with him and leaving to date a different man. 

It is an all too common tale, and it is not that difficult to understand

How To Create A Family If You Are A Man

This is how you create a family as an alpha male. 

You find a home… a home large enough to hold more than one person. 

You move into this home and plant your flag. You make this your domain. 

Then, you slowly begin to invite people in. You treat them well. You support them… not monetarily, but as a strong, capable cornerstone who can be relied upon. 

My home is always open to my family… who mostly consist of my friends. 

They know that they can come here and sleep for the night. They know that they can relax here. I cook meals for them. I talk to them. I listen to them and offer kindness and honesty in return. 

I make myself available, and all I expect from them in return is that that they honor our transactional agreements when we make them. 

I also expect them to respect me and to show me the same kindness I show them. 

In other words… the man creates the family, and then, the family rallies around him

The 13th vow of the Oath of Kings, in fact, speaks directly to this.

” I vow to practice the art of true leadership, to build for myself a circle, a family, and a tribe who loves, honors,  and respects me… and who I lead, honor, nurture, and protect in return.”

The alpha is powerful, so he does not need to pressure anyone into joining him. 

People will flock to a powerful alpha who has fully realized his place and purpose in the world, because he is an absolute source of strength, friendship, support, and kindness

This isn’t even about money, though of course that is one factor, out of many.

More than anything, this is literally about showing up consistently, being there for people, investing in them, and being strong enough to love them without requiring them to love you back in ‘textbook romantic or family ways.’ 

But another very important thing to understand is that the alpha sees himself as the nucleus of the family, and realizes that people will come and go to a certain extent… but that is the nature of things.

He does not fear this, and he does not fight it. He welcomes people when they come, and he bids them good luck when they go… and as long as no boundaries were crossed, his door remains open to them in the future.

To an extent, the alpha male is content to provide for others that which is nearly impossible for them to give him.

But he is fine with this, because he has his needs met in different ways. He desires quality companionship in his family… not people to ‘take care of him.’

He is taking care of himself. That is not a need that he has.

We are here for survival. We are here to find what pleasure we can in life. 

If you are worried about finding a wife or a partner… chase excellence first, build your tribe, and start your family. 

Don’t worry. A true, powerful alpha male who is following the vows of the Oath of Kings successfully will have zero trouble finding a high-quality mate! 

We do the work. We create the family. We grow it through nurturing, healthy boundaries, support, and structure… and then we celebrate it and continue to invest in it as we grow, learn, and live. 

When you behave as a true alpha to the people around you, they will desire to come alongside you in return

Why? 

Because you will literally become a focal point for survival and support for them, unlike anything else they are probably getting in the world

If you can foster true community amongst your tribe, provide a safe place for it, and protect that place and the people in it… you won’t even be able to fit all of your family members inside. 

Your family will grow so fast that you will need a bigger house! 

That is how an alpha male builds a family. This is how he becomes self-reliant, and how he commands and earns the respect and support of his tribe. 

And when this all works, and the alpha assumes his proper role in all of it… it is really quite beautiful. 

Conclusion

That is all I have for today.

Hopefully, these thoughts have helped to answer some questions for you regarding what family is, and how to build one as an alpha male.

Go with grace, my friends… and never give up your power!

Until next time…

Joshua K. Sigafus