What is masculinity today?
This is a question that I’ve done a lot of thinking, researching, and contemplating about.
And I believe that I’ve come to an answer that not only makes sense, but that also helps men and women to put ‘labels’ on truly masculine behaviors and displays.
Now, don’t get it twisted.
My platform, the purpose of my coaching, and the purpose of my mission is to help men and women to improve their dating lives.
I want to help men and women:
- Level up their attraction
- Improve their dating game
- Embrace the alpha mentality
So that their dating lives won’t suck.
And so, my purpose for defining masculinity isn’t necessarily to provide a cultural, societal, or political lens through which to view the topic, but to distill it down to a useful, pragmatic principle that’ll assist men and women in this mission:
To make their dating lives better.
For the most part, men and women care about this topic for two different reasons.
- Women care because they’re innately attracted to ‘masculine men’ (we’ll discuss this more in-depth later on in the post)
- Men care because they want to increase their attraction and step into their natural roles as strong, capable, effective masculine men—as successfully as possible
Alright. With all of that being said, let’s dive in and start talking about it.
Note: Not everyone necessarily wants to be masculine, and that’s totally fine. The whole point of this topic, from my point of view, is to figure out how it can be useful for men who want to be more attractive to women who are interested in dating strong, masculine men.
What Is Modern Masculinity?
The term ‘modern masculinity’ is actually a bit misleading.
The truth is that masculinity hasn’t changed much over the course of the past several thousand years.
What has changed is our society.
More specifically, some of the metrics that we used to use to measure masculinity have changed to reflect our modern-day technology level, and the ethos of modern human social behavior.
The most direct example of this difference can be seen in how we view, label, and measure wealth.
In the past, wealth would probably have been calculated by how much meat, grain, honey, or water you had to share. In hunter-gatherer tribes, your wealth at any given time was likely a direct reflection of how good you were at literally hunting and gathering food.
Nowadays, however, wealth is pretty much defined as ‘how much money you have,’ or what your actual, literally ‘net worth’ would be.
In this sense, we’re actually not so different from our hunter gatherer ancestors. The form and function remain the same, though the currency has changed.
Instead of measuring wealth by how much smoked venison we have stored away in our tent, or how much grain we have stored in our grain storehouses, the average man (or woman) measures wealth by how much money we have in our bank account.
How Do We Define Masculinity?
Masculinity is best defined as the collection of traits that men would broadcast to display their value on the dating marketplace to potential female sexual partners.
To get more specific, let’s take a look at the primary male sexual attraction metrics:
- High-quality genes (including traits like height or facial hair, which are outside of the man’s control)
- Tribal connections
- Leadership abilities
- An athletic body
Therefore, we would label a ‘masculine trait’ as a trait that displays one of these attraction metrics, serving to broadcast the male’s mate value out to females, to let them know how valuable that particular man would be as a mating option.
Let’s talk about some specific examples.
3 Examples Of Masculine Traits
1. Being Tall
While being tall isn’t something that a man can control, it is associated with a man’s attraction levels.
Women tend to show favor to men who are taller. Men who are taller generally have a range of social and physical strength advantages. And it makes sense that women would tend to consider height as a useful trait when vetting potential male partners.
Therefore, this would be considered a more masculine genetic trait.
2. An Athletic, V-shaped Torso
A man who’s in really good shape, who has a lean, muscular, powerful body, who isn’t ‘obese’ or ‘out of shape,’ would also tend to show up on the typical woman’s radar as more attractive.
This is instinctual, helping the woman to determine which men would be more likely to be capable of protecting her and her offspring from predators and enemies.
Therefore, men who develop this as a trait would be developing a ‘masculine trait.’
Note that women can also develop a lean, muscular, athletic body… and that women who do so are usually regarded as highly attractive.
Therefore, this could also be a ‘feminine trait.’
Some traits overlap into both areas, but for different reasons.
Women care about the man’s athletic body because it shows them that the man could protect them.
Men care about women having an athletic body because it displays fertility cues, letting him know that there’s a good chance that her body is in prime condition to produce healthy offspring.
So, the trait is similar, but the reasons for it being attractive (and the reasons for displaying that trait) vary by gender.
3. Having A Lot Of Money Saved Up In The Bank
This is another example of a masculine trait, and equates directly to wealth, social status, and power.
In our modern culture, men with a lot of money earn high-value marks with women because women are looking for attraction markers like wealth, social status, and power—and having more money helps to check off all of these boxes.
What Is The New Masculinity?
The new masculinity is men coming to an understanding of what masculinity is in our modern world, and striving to embody and display the traits that will make them more appealing and high-value to potential mates.
Ironically, these traits tend to be the exact same traits that also make men effective and successful.
And this isn’t an accident.
Women evolved to be attracted to men who were effective and successful.
It all fits and works together in the context of the great, grand, glorious human mating dance.
Why Is Masculinity Needed?
Masculinity is needed in our world because the human race needs capable, high value, effective men with good genes, who are capable of creating successful results, so that we can continue to survive and thrive as a species.
And this speaks to the importance of pursuing our purpose and legacy as men.
This is so important.
Strangely enough, it’s technically more masculine to prioritize effectiveness and your purpose over pursuing women. If you make women your ‘mission,’ it sends low-value markers, and technically classifies you as being ‘less masculine.’
It’s basically like saying “I’m not high value enough to have a lot of women who want me, therefore I need to be totally focused on pursuing women to get results, which means that I’m not prioritizing effectiveness in the context of my goals.”
In fact, the 17th vow of the Oath of Kings and Queens speaks directly to this mandate.
Men who get caught up in the trap of sexual scarcity often succumb to the non-masculine trait of ‘chasing women at the expense of being effective and creating wealth, status, tribal connections, power, and a great physique.’
What It Means To Be A Man Today
To be a man in our world today actually doesn’t require you to be anything special.
You can be born a man. Or, you can identify as a man if you’re trans.
Some people even identify as men one day, and then as women the next.
My belief is that there’s nothing wrong with identifying as whatever you want to be. In fact, I don’t really care. Some people think that the whole ‘gender identity’ debate signifies an attack on men.
But ironically, I see that as an inherently non-masculine viewpoint.
As a man, only I can determine my value as a man. Nobody else gets to decide that for me, and that’s that.
But if you want to be a man who is successful at attracting women in the dating marketplace, then it’s in your best interest to broadcast as many of the primary male attraction metrics, with as much strength, as possible.
In other words, you want to focus on increasing your:
- Tribal connections
- Leadership abilities
- An athletic body
A man who embraces the alpha mentality (takes control of his life and takes responsibility for his own success, leaving the victim mentality behind), strives to level-up every single day (mind, body, spirit), and who constantly strives to become the best man in the room while also increasing his primary attraction metrics, has the best chances of succeeding with women, improving his dating life, and living in true sexual abundance.
What Are The Characteristics Of A Man?
There are many characteristics that a man can embody.
And to be honest, they don’t all have to be masculine.
With that being said, I’ve compiled what I believe to be a pretty decent list of what I call alpha personality traits, that both alpha men and alpha women should strive to embody.
Here is the complete list of the 34 different Alpha Personality Traits.
- Self Sufficiency
- Self Love
- Self Empowerment
- Strength of Character
- Self Ownership
- Not Afraid of Healthy Conflict/Confrontation
- Effective Leadership
- They Strive to Leave A Lasting Legacy
- Don’t Get Caught Up In Petty Drama
- Hold Themselves to a Higher Standard
- They Master Their Guilt
- Not Afraid to Go To War, Yet Strive To Be Peacemakers
- They Are Aware Of Their Own Mortality
See, these are all traits that both men and women can benefit from. And while some of these traits may be more masculine, there are also traits in this list that can double as being feminine traits (empathy, for example, can be both a masculine and a feminine trait, because both men and women would want to display empathy as an attraction metric, albeit for slightly different reasons).
If a man can embody all of these traits, while also successfully honing in on developing the primary male attraction metrics, he has a very good chance of becoming the type of capable, effective man that women would be intensely attracted to.
There you have it.
An in-depth exploration of the question: what is masculinity today?
Just remember that the key to all of this is that we must never stop striving to become better humans… regardless of whether we’re male or female.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus