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what to do after a breakup

What To Do After A Breakup

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Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of the Joshua Sigafus Blog. 

This is, as always, the best blog for learning how to increase your attraction, level up your dating game, and embrace the alpha mentality. 

The topic I want to talk about today is about what it means to level up in the wake of a breakup, and why it’s important.

Now, as you’ve heard in some of my other videos, and on my blog, I am now a newly single man. 

My relationship with my girlfriend has recently ended (read more here). 

And so, now, for the first time in about four years, I’m faced with the decision of how to carry on as a man getting ready to go back out onto the dating marketplace

And one thing that I know is vitally important to the process is continuing to work on myself as a man

What does that mean? 

Well, first of all, you have to embrace the alpha mentality. 

This is true for men or women. 

And this isn’t negotiable. We must do this if we want to control our own destiny. 

What Does The Alpha Mentality Mean?

1. What Does The Alpha Mentality Mean

What the alpha mentality means is that you decide to be intentional, to be proactive in taking action to produce desirable results in your life. 

In other words, we’re not going to let chaos come in and cause us to just react to life. 

This is the opposite of the victim mentality.

When you embrace the alpha mentality, you’re going to act proactively to make your life what you want it to be. 

The 3 Pillars Of Alpha Mentality Living

2. The 3 Pillars Of Alpha Mentality Living

Next, we have the pillars of alpha-mentality living—mind your business, get your money, and pursue your purpose in life. 

These are foundational principles. Now, let’s briefly talk about what they mean. 

1. Mind Your Business

Mind your business means to mind your business before anything else in life. You orchestrate the affairs of your life and you put them in order first, before you do anything else. 

This is basically self prioritization. 

2. Get Your Money

You have to be getting money in life. There’s just no substitute for it nowadays. 

Instead of hunting and gathering in the woods, we’re hunting and gathering out in the economic/business marketplace. 

You’ve got to be finding new ways to generate money and cash for yourself, so that you’re not left destitute, desperate, and/or relying on other people. 

Again, this is true regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman. 

Today, it’s just as important for women to be getting money as it is for men. 

Now, having money and the ability to generate resources is required for men to be attractive

For women, it’s not. 

Women want to get money and generate resources so that they have options, so they don’t have to be desperate and dependent on a man (or anyone, for that matter) to support them. 

So there’s a subtle difference in the reasons for why men and women need to be getting money. 

But it’s important to both. 

3. Pursue Your Purpose

In order of importance, this is actually step number one, right after choosing to embrace the alpha mentality. 

Do you have a purpose in life? 

If not, you need to figure out what it is

Because without a purpose in life, we are left to drift aimlessly.

Our lives will not have any meaning. 

Our lives will have no direction. 

This is really important. This is so vital, and you can’t skip this step. 

Level Up Mind, Body, And Spirit

3. Level Up Mind, Body, And Spirit

Now, there are three more things that you’ll need to work on leveling up: your mind, body, and spirit

These things are also crucially important to the process of becoming more attractive as a man or a woman. 

But they’re also crucial for the process of getting our lives together, and being high-value men and women just in general. 

And remember, we don’t do these things because we want to get a boyfriend or because we want to get a girlfriend, or even because we want to be attractive so that we can attract people

We do these things because we want to be high value, and because we want to be in control of our destiny

We do them because we want to be effective in life. 

Do you see this subtle mindset shift?

Of course, as a result, you’re also going to be much more attractive. That’s the positive side effect

And that’s what we want, right? We want our attraction and desirability to be a positive symptom of being high value

Alright. Now let’s talk about how to level up your mind, body, and spirit.

1. Level Up Your Mind

4. 1. Level Up Your Mind

Read good books, listen to good podcasts, and find yourself a thought mentor who you can look up to and admire. 

Find someone you can say this about…

“I want to model my life after this person. I admire them and would like to model their behavior.”

And then, start reading and listening to everything that person puts out. 

If you’re a man, find a male role model. If you’re a woman, find a female role model. 

Men can also look up to a woman, and women can look up to men, of course… However, those journeys are a little different. 

It helps to have a more contextual, foundational frame of reference in someone who has been through a similar struggle as you. And men and women have inherently different struggles in life. And you can’t discount that. It really does matter

2. Level Up Your Body

5. 2. Level Up Your Body

What does this mean? 

Well, to start with:

You’ve gotta be eating healthy foods. 

No more junk food, right? 

No more fast food. 

No more deep-fried stuff. 

It’s so good. Trust me, I’m a sucker for junk food.

But it’s so bad for your body. 

No more sugary sodas, right? 

We’re drinking water. We’re drinking healthy drinks. 

For dinner, for lunch, for breakfast, we’re eating good foods. 

We’re eating whole fruits, vegetables, meats, right? 

We’re not eating a bunch of processed stuff, refined stuff, etc.

We have a huge obesity problem in our culture. 


Because it’s never been so easy to get access to fried, refined, processed food. 

What happens when we process food? 

Well, it gets cheaper to serve. 

But it’s also filled with calories and things that make us unhealthy, because it involves taking out core ingredients and processing them to make something, rather than having a whole piece of natural food that has a whole bunch of nutrients and different minerals and vitamins in it. 

I’m not a nutritionist. I’m not a personal trainer. However, this seems to be common sense to me. These foods (whole, unprocessed foods) are healthier for you. 

So rather than eating a fast-food burger with fries and a sugary drink, it’s so much better to get yourself some ground beef, chicken, or steak, and then to get yourself a tomato, get yourself some carrots, get yourself some corn, right? 

Put that stuff together to make a meal from healthy whole foods.

And then, eat balanced portions. Don’t eat a crazy number of calories. 

And drink a bunch of water while you’re at it!

Of course, we need to be working out too. 

You don’t need to go crazy with this. 

You just need to do something to get your body up and moving around. 

Lift weights, dance, do yoga, rock climb, play a sport—whatever it is that gets you up and moving consistently, start doing it. 

Don’t be a lazy slob. Take care of your body.

3. Level Up Your Spirit

6. 3. Level Up Your Spirit

Was does it mean to level up your spirit? 

We have to be cultivating spiritual practices as men and women. 

We have to do this to level up, to become better. 

So what we want to do is create a sense of peace and calm through spirituality. 

If you’re religious, this probably means getting more in touch with your religion, and taking it a bit more seriously. Start going to service and learning about the traditions, the concepts, etc.

Start learning about the higher power, and start praying more, right? 

If you’re not religious, this might mean pursuing a more self-spiritual path

Maybe you do some yoga, maybe you just cultivate a deeper more peaceful relationship with yourself through self-talk, meditation, mirror talk, etc. 

And that’s totally fine. 

Remember, the goal is to create a sense of peace and calm for yourself. 

That’s the goal of spirituality.

We have to be cultivating this. 

We can’t be constantly ignoring our relationship with ourselves. 

We have to be exploring it and making it significant. 

We have to be developing better relationships with ourselves. 

This is a vital part of leveling up your value.

Leveling Up Is An Essential Part Of Moving On After A Breakup

7. Leveling Up Is An Essential Part Of Moving On After A Breakup

Here’s the thing. 

A lot of people don’t understand that these processes

  • Minding your business
  • Getting your money
  • Pursuing your purpose
  • Leveling up mind, body, and spirit

… are absolutely essential to the process of becoming a higher value man or woman. 

They also don’t know that they have the power to create their own destiny in life

See, this is what it’s all about. 

If you want to be more attractive, this is where it starts. 

If you want to have a better dating life, this is where it all starts. 

Work on yourself, then take back your power from the chaos to start creating your own destiny in life.

My Personal Post-Breakup Plan

8. My Personal Post-Breakup Plan

So for me, in the wake of my breakup, and in the wake of coming out of a relationship that wasn’t necessarily good for me toward the end, I’m saying to myself:

What am I going to do next? 

And here’s the answer. 

The whole goal is going to be to work on ‘me’ for a while, and get myself in a really good place. 

I want to be a better man than I am today. 

Next week, two weeks from now, a month from now, I want to be a lot better than I am today. 

I also have to learn lessons from my past relationship. 

I learned in the wake of the breakup that there were some things that I was doing that I could absolutely have done better. 

We can’t be perfect. But we must always strive to be better people.

I want to break those bad habits, and I want to cultivate better habits so that I’ll be a better man next time around. 

See, we always want to be developing, always leveling up. 

Stagnation And Deterioration Are The Dream Killers

9. Stagnation And Deterioration Are The Dream Killers

Another problem is this:

A lot of people stagnate. 

A lot of people think that they can just tread water and go along, and not really change. 

But see, that’s the great deception.

There’s actually no such thing as true stagnation. 


Because we always have entropy and chaos in the mix. 

And what that means is that everything is in a state of constant decay

So if you think you’re just treading water, you’re actually deteriorating

We need to be getting better every day to stay one step ahead of the chaos. 

When I hit 70 years old, I want to be the best man that I’ve ever been. 

Maybe I’m more ‘in my prime’ now physically than I can be then. 

But if I do the work now, my body will get in better and better shape, and I’ll still be good enough to be a strong, healthy, vital man. 

Hopefully, even then, my mind will never have been sharper, and my wisdom will definitely be higher. 

My level of knowledge can also be so much higher by then, right? 

These things are so important, and we have to make sure that we’re always leveling up to become a better version of ourselves. 

But we can’t just say it. We need to put in the work and make it so.

In Conclusion

So today, this is my challenge to you. 

Mind your business, get your money, pursue your purpose, level up your mind, body, and spirit, and embrace the alpha mentality. 

Focus on these things first, and then relationships, dating, attraction, sex, all of that second

We can’t let those things get in the way of us leveling up to be our best. 

That’s gonna be it for this one. 

Go with grace, my friends. Never give up your power.

Until next time…

Joshua K. Sigafus