Today, I’m gonna talk to you about this business of what to do when people disrespect you, and whether or not disrespect deserves for you to walk away from that person.
Not too long ago, I posted a post in my mastermind tribe about this. Here’s what I originally posted:
“The high value, alpha human would rather walk away from the dating partner/prospect/relationship than tolerate disrespect. They understand that once respect has gone out the window, the value has severely diminished. This is also why, as alphas, we must ALWAYS strive to treat others with kindness and respect. We must keep this value alive within us so that we can legitimately extend this same standard to those we allow into our circle.”
Then, I got a question from a tribe member asking me to clarify something about it.
“So the idea is either respect or no interaction?”
This was a really good question.
In fact, I’m gonna be honest and say that this is a difficult topic to deal with.
It’s hard for me to tell people that they should walk away from people who disrespect them as a black and white factual statement, because it’s not always so black and white.
Because people are not perfect.
So I hesitate to take a black and white stance on this particular issue.
Now, with that being said, I’m just going to tell you what I’ve come to believe is true, and what I do in my life.
I believe this to be the true alpha way.
And I think this is the best way to describe it.
Disclaimer: This Is The Alpha Way – And Thus, It’s Not Always Easy
I need to preface this by saying that I have respect and understanding for people who may think a little differently than me on this topic.
I understand that there’s more than one way to think of this particular issue.
I do know that—and so I’m not trying to talk down to someone who may not agree with me completely—because I know that there’s a lot of room for discussion on this particular issue.
In fact, I’ve gone round and round with myself about this particular question, because I’ve had situations where I’ve had to figure out whether or not I should just walk away from people for being disrespectful toward me, even if I really loved them and cared for them:
- Should I walk away from those people?
- Should I cut those people out of my life?
- Or should I continue to engage with them to fix the relationship?
So this is a really good question.
But here’s where I draw the line.
I see the stance that I’m about to describe as being the true ‘alpha’ stance on the topic.
So for people who may not agree with it, I totally understand—and if you’re not really committed to wanting to navigate this situation from an ‘alpha’ perspective, I understand that as well. Because navigating this using the following alpha mentality method is difficult—and honestly, a lot of people are going to struggle with it if they’re not fully committed to the alpha journey.
(Note: If you want to learn more about this alpha-mentality business, download my free ebook: An Introduction To The Alpha Mentality: The Evolutionary Key To Succeeding At Dating, Relationships, Business, Fitness, And Everything Else That Matters. It’ll explain everything you need to know to get a basic understanding of what this means.)
With that being said—let’s move on and answer the question by getting right into the nitty-gritty of it.
How Do You Deal With A Disrespectful Person? My 8-Step Alpha Method For How To Take Action When People Disrespect You
1. How Do You React If Others Are Disrespecting You?
Here’s the fast answer.
You should never let people drag you into mutual disrespect.
When people disrespect you, make it a point to keep from getting dragged into their drama.
- Fight with them
- Argue with them
- React out of emotion
- Try to prove your point
- Try to retaliate
- Get passive-aggressive
- Act hateful or let them get under your skin
All of this is madness, and is akin to ‘getting drug into the mud to play with the pigs.’
You can, and should, ask them to explain exactly why they are behaving this way toward you—and you should really listen to them to try to understand why their behavior has gotten to this point.
The ultimate and nuclear option for the alpha is truly to walk away from disrespectful people. If someone violates you to such a degree that continuing to interact with them has crossed the line into ‘irresponsible’ territory—then the true alpha will disengage and just walk away—effectively cutting this person out of their life and moving on.
But sometimes, disrespectful behavior can be addressed and fixed with proper communication. I’ll explain how to do this in a moment.
2. Should You Tolerate Disrespect?
Here’s the truth of the matter.
Allowing people to disrespect you is just another form of self-disrespect.
Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you should just walk away and disengage immediately whenever another person slips up.
But it does mean that you need to be aware of the act of tolerating disrespect.
The true alpha should never just roll over and accept disrespect from anyone (though it is understandable that in some situations, this is a really difficult stance to take).
3. What If Someone You Really Love And Care About Disrespects You?
Here’s the thing.
As an alpha, you can’t just walk around while tolerating disrespect from people.
This is not a good or sustainable behavior for you to embody.
With that being said… if you really love this person, you may want to try to fix the problem.
When people disrespect you, and they also happen to be people you really love and would prefer to keep in your life, you may want to open a dialogue about it and try to solve the issue before just walking away without warning.
What To Say When Someone Disrespects You
Sometimes, this can solve the issue while still allowing for respect to return in the future.
You can say something akin to:
“Hey, you can’t treat me this way. You need to apologize, you need to stop. I can’t have people treating me like this in my life. But if you’ll apologize and change your behavior toward me, we can reconcile and move past it. I’d like to give it another chance because you matter to me.”
Drawing ironclad boundaries with kindness and respect, and enforcing them rigidly, is a positive and healthy step to take.
And if they say:
“Okay, I accept.”
Well, then you can move on and forgive them.
They can apologize, and you can now put it behind you and move on.
Note that alphas don’t hold grudges. Skulking about, being angry about the past with people you continue to allow in your life, allowing resentment to fill you with negativity and weigh you down—this is pure beta behavior.
A true alpha will deal with the problem as soon as possible, in a direct fashion—and will either walk away from the person, or accept their response, forgive them, and move on.
4. What If You Slip Up And Disrespect Them?
What if you realize that you’ve actually been as guilty of being disrespectful as the person sitting across from you?
Listen—you have to be honest with yourself. Alphas must be leadership figures, and grow beyond the petty disrespectful squabbles of betas.
But if you’ve failed in this endeavor, now you have a muddled, dirty situation on your hands. And at this point, you need to understand that you’ve gotten yourself into a big mess by acting in a disrespectful manner and not living up to the true level of alpha value that you should be embracing and broadcasting.
Here’s how you fix this particular kind of situation.
If you don’t love or care about this person, just learn your lesson, disengage, walk away, and say to yourself “ok, next time I really need to make sure that I behave better, and hold myself to a higher standard of excellence before I demand it from other people.”
If you DO love and care for this person, and actually want them to remain in your life, then you should handle it by having a talk that sounds something like this:
“Hey, I don’t really like how you’ve been talking to me and/or treating me. However, I will also acknowledge I have not been living up to the standards that I want for myself within this relationship, either. So I’m partly to blame. So let’s make an agreement. I’m going to fix my behavior. And I’m going to ask you to do the same. And let’s try to reconcile this and move forward. Do you agree?”
If they agree, then the probem is solved—you move on, you get your shit together, and you make sure to treat others with kindness and respect from now on, and to expect those same high standards from the people around you.
5. Why Do I Get Disrespected?
Here’s a tough truth that’s important for you to understand.
You can only expect people to live up to the standards that you have mastered for yourself.
You can only really ask people to live up to the same standards that you rigidly enforce in your own life and in your own behavior.
See… there’s a limit to what you can rationally ask for from other people.
You can ask people to respect you regardless of how you act.
But if you don’t behave up to those same standards that you’re asking for, your request is going to mean nothing—because, at that point, you’re living in delusion by expecting people to uphold standards that you’re not even upholding in your own life.
You must come to terms with this, and take responsibility for it if you really want to command respect in life.
You can’t just willy nilly act like a beta, disrespecting everyone else—and then ask everyone else for respect. That’s a quick way to end up alone.
No one will like you or trust you if you act like that, and for good reason.
Your presence won’t be worth anything because there’ll be more confusion and trouble than value being offered. You’ll just be a hypocrite with empty words.
So get your shit straight, and make sure that you’re practicing high standards of excellence, kindness, and respect in your own life before demanding it from other people.
6. You Always Have The Option To Walk Away When People Disrespect You
Walking away never actually makes you a bad person, except for (and this is just my personal viewpoint on this) maybe in cases where you’re literally walking away from your children and your responsibility toward them as a parent.
Your children—the people you helped to create and bring into this world… they are really the only people you owe your presence to. This is how I see it.
But aside from that, you should know that you always have the option to walk away from other people, and that this does not make you a bad person.
And the only reason you need for doing that is to want to.
A lot of people will try to make other people feel guilty for walking away.
But here’s the thing.
There’s no such thing as compelled presence in a free world.
If we’re going to be free humans, we cannot force each other to remain in places (or in relationships) we don’t want to exist in.
I would never try to force someone to stay with me who didn’t want to stay with me.
I see that as being inherently wrong. I also see it as being the wrong outlook for true alpha men and women.
And I would never expect for someone else to reasonably believe that they could get away with doing that to me (holding me hostage in a situation out of guilt or shame).
If you want to walk away, do it.
7. This Is Why It’s Important To Enforce Boundaries With Kindness And Respect
When people disrespect you, you can really only expect them to take you seriously when you ask them to change their behavior up to the level of excellence that you set for yourself in your own life.
- You need to be on top of your kindness and respectfulness game as an alpha.
- You need your behavior to be so above reproach that people can’t point at you and call you a hypocrite.
- You need to be working on yourself to become a true, powerful alpha in your own life if you want to truly be worthy of respect in the first place.
- You need to be really looking at yourself and fixing yourself first.
And I’m going to be really honest with you here…
You need to be the hardest on yourself.
This is a servant leadership principle.
Of all the people in this world, you need to be the hardest on yourself.
You need to be the most critical of yourself.
Because this is what radical self-responsibility does.
It causes us to look at ourselves so that we can truly fix our own problems and take our power back from the chaos.
This is the most effective way to chase excellence and level-up in life.
We must make ourselves the best we can be, and continue to chase excellence and value.
Every day, I wake up and I look at myself in the mirror. I ask myself…
“Have I succeeded in my goal of becoming a ripped, attractive, successful, powerful alpha millionaire leader with an amazing dating life and amazing relationships yet?”
If the answer isn’t ‘yes’ in every one of those categories—then I better have a plan in place and be prepared to get the fuck to work!
And the same goes for you if you want to be truly alpha in life.
8. If You Want The Best That Life Has To Offer, You Need To Be The Best That Life Can Offer Through You
Listen. I’m not trying to say that humans who aren’t awesome don’t deserve respect.
I’ll be the first one to say that we should always treat others with kindness and respect… always.
In fact, the 6th vow of the Oath of Kings and Queens (my personal alpha code) speaks directly to this principle:
“I vow to allow respect and kindness to rule my interactions with others… even if they are my enemies, and even as I defeat them in battle.”
But we also have to understand that other people (people who don’t follow this code) are generally going to be reacting to you with their base instincts and emotions—not a higher sense of morality or out of a matured interest in trying to intentionally grow and develop as humans.
Therefore, we need to understand that the world will only treat us with respect if we become truly worthy of it.
This is just a principle of the game—it’s a rule that we all need to learn to play by. It isn’t fair… but that’s reality.
So as alphas, we want to conquer it—not try to change it, because nature’s rules will never change.
Hopefully, this post has helped you to understand what to do when people disrespect you.
Listen, I know that this isn’t easy stuff.
Dealing with disrespect isn’t a fun thing.
But as alphas and leaders, we owe it to the people around us to:
- Live up to a high standard of excellence
- And to demand those same high standards from the other people in our circles
It really is that simple.
Go with grace, my friends—and never give up your power.