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why do women move on so fast

Why Do Women Move On So Fast? | Female Hypergamy

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What we’re talking about today is the question “Why do women move on so fast?”

We’re also going to talk about female hypergamy

This post was prompted by a post I saw on social media.

A friend of mine shared it. Check it out. 

women move on fast

“Hurt a man and he won’t be in another relationship for years. Women be in love three months later.”

Okay, so I hear this kind of thing a lot. And the idea is, it seems like men will get really invested in a woman. And it seems like they’ll love her and go all in on it. 

And then they’ll get their heart broken, and it seems like they’ll be really broken-up about it for a long time. And for some men, getting over this kind of heartbreak is difficult. 

By contrast, it seems like this experience is different for women. A woman might be dating a guy and going along with the relationship, or she may even be married. But then, all of a sudden, she’ll just switch relationships or break up with the guy, and then be completely perfectly happy in a new relationship, either immediately or within a couple months, right? 

At least, that’s the perception. 

This is what I’m going to talk about in this post. The question of why do women move on so fast, and whether or not there is really anything to it or not. 

This was actually a really cool little meme, because it hit on a couple things that are being talked about right now that people don’t really understand: The concepts of hypergamy and sexual scarcity/abundance

So let’s dive in and start breaking it down. 

The Misconception That Women Don’t Mourn Relationships Or Get Sad About Breakups Is Exactly That, A Misconception. But As A General Rule, The Experience IS Different For Women Then It Is For Men

Not all men take forever to get over their exes. Not all men get super heartbroken. 

And not all women quickly ‘hop’ from relationship to relationship. 

I have a feeling that women who have had their heart broken, who have been scorned by a man in the past, will probably look at this meme (or at men asking why do women move on so fast) and scream in frustration that it just isn’t true

Some women feel like it takes them a long time to get over their exes, and they feel like men are the ones who seem to jump from woman to woman. 

Well, there’s actually a reason for this difference in perception. And it all comes down to a concept called sexual scarcity, or sexual abundance, and the difference between them. 

Men Approach The Dating Marketplace From A Position Of Sexual Scarcity, While Women Approach It From A Position Of Sexual Abundance: Here’s Why It Matters

Now, by nature, men approach the sexual marketplace from a position of sexual scarcity. And women approach the sexual marketplace from a position of sexual abundance

And the reason for this is because all throughout evolutionary history, men have been the sexual competitors, and women have been the sexual selectors.

Let me explain what this means. 

You’ve probably noticed that, as a general rule, it’s typically easier for women to get sex than it is for men. 

The average woman will have almost zero trouble finding some kind of partner to have sex with. 

Whereas men need to put in some kind of effort to find even one sexual option

So if I were going to define these terms, they would sound something like this:

What Is Sexual Scarcity?

The state of being on the sexual marketplace where you need to exert some kind of work or effort to generate sexual opportunities. 

What Is Sexual Abundance? 

The state of being on the sexual marketplace where effort isn’t required to generate sexual opportunities, because they happen plentifully and without effort. 

Now, keep in mind that I am simplifying a lot of things. This is actually a really complex topic, and entire books have been written dealing with this. 

In fact, you should read The Evolution Of Desire: Strategies Of Human Mating, By David M. Buss, if you want to really dig deeply into the topic of human mating behavior.  

But here’s the thing. 

Since many men are, by de facto, operating from a position of sexual scarcity… and since many women are operating from a position of sexual abundance… they have different perceptions of what it means to succeed on the sexual marketplace, and experience the feelings of succeeding or failing on the sexual marketplace differently. 

Men And Women Have Different Evolutionary Sexual Goals

So why do men tend to exist in sexual scarcity, while women exist in sexual abundance?

Great question! And the answer lies within men’s and women’s inherently different evolutionary core sexual programming. 

Men are trying to compete to gain sexual access to the highest value women (plural) possible. 

That’s their evolutionary sexual modus operandi

And by contrast, women are trying to vet men because they only want to give sexual access to the highest value man they can possibly attract. And there are evolutionary reasons for that. 

It goes back to the rules of how men and women have interacted with one-another all throughout our more recent, yet still ancient evolutionary history. And this is why understanding evolutionary psychology and human mating behavior is important.  

Here are the basic differences between men’s and women’s evolutionary sexual goals. 

What Is The Man’s Evolutionary Sexual Goal?

To gain sexual access to as many of the highest value women as possible, so that he can spread his seed and produce as many potential offspring as possible… in the hopes that he will successfully proliferate his genetic lineage and continue his bloodline. 

What Is The Woman’s Evolutionary Sexual Goal?

To mate with the highest-value man (or men) possible… meaning the man with the greatest resource potential, in the hopes that they can produce healthy offspring, protect her while she is in a more vulnerable motherhood state, and so that he can help her to care for the children and raise them to adulthood safely and successfully.

Obviously, Not All Men And Women Are Literally Trying To Do This

These are the core sexual programs that we carry over from our evolutionary heritage. So these instincts are alive and well within humans today—but they do not account for all of our relationship/sexual decisions. 

There are many complex factors that go into why men and women choose the sexual strategies they choose. This is just one factor. But, it is a factor nonetheless, and it does play a role in how men and women instinctively navigate the dating marketplace. And it shows us that, at the core of our evolutionary psychology, men and women are driven by different goals. 

And it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to spot the trends, and how men and women do behave in ways that favor their evolutionary sexual goals. 

These instincts still factor into what men and women find attractive in one-another. And so, understanding how they work helps you to understand the underlying rules to the complicated human mating dance. 

So Why Do Men Tend To Fall Harder Than Women, And Why Does It Seem Like It Takes Longer For Men To Move On Than Women?

Most men become aware of the fact that they’re operating from a position of sexual scarcity as soon they enter the sexual marketplace and realize that women seem to have more sexual opportunities, despite the fact that they don’t try as hard. 

Of course, not all men experience the sexual marketplace this way. About 20% of men, the most desirable 20%, actually do enter the market and start out from a position of sexual abundance, since these are the men that virtually all of the women are competing for. 

These men have ample mating opportunities, and their experience is a bit different. 

But the other 80% of men, the 80% who aren’t as desirable, are operating from a position of sexual scarcity. So most men become aware of this from the very beginning of their sexual marketplace experience, and need to work harder to gain sexual access to even one or two women… much less many of them. 

On the flipside, about 80% of women are born into the experience of operating from a position of sexual abundance, compared to about 20% of women who exist at the lowest end of the ‘desire’ spectrum. 

(Note: These percentages are not exact. I’m using the 80/20 rule to demonstrate the general idea. The percentages are probably closer to 95/5… but honestly, they vary with different hierarchies and cultural settings. So we are just exploring the concept… not trying to pinpoint the actual numbers.)

For the least desirable 20% of women, it takes work and effort, or at least a great deal of settling, to find mating opportunities. 


Because the men, much like the other women, are all competing for the highest value mating opportunities with people who exist at the top end of the spectrum. 

Now, think about this for a moment—and this is really the mechanism behind the question of “why do men seem to fall harder for women than women do for men?”

What happens when you value something extremely highly, and have to work hard for it?

Well, you generally become afraid to lose it. It becomes incredibly important to you, and you strive to keep it because you are desperate to maintain the benefits and joy it brings you. 

You also tend to place a much higher premium on it than someone who can easily replace this ‘valuable thing’ you’ve acquired through hard work and effort. 

In other words, you become highly invested in it, right? 

And so, men who get ‘oneitis’ and pine after a particular woman, generally pine after her and get really wrapped up in her for exactly this reason. 

The majority of men need to work harder for the mating opportunities they get, and they just don’t get as many of them as the majority of women and the upper 20% of the highest-status men.  

Their core evolutionary programming makes them want to mate with the highest value woman they can get. And once they attract the highest value woman they are capable of attracting, they go into a sort of ‘defense mode,’ because they understand that there’s a chance that this may be the best partner they will ever have the chance to mate with.  

As a side note, alpha mentality men do not think this way. But the vast majority of men DO think this way. 

And as a result, they are then terrified to lose her, because that’s their best mating opportunity. 

And if they lose it, now they fail as a man in the grand scheme of the evolutionary mating dance (or at least, that’s what it feels like). 

And they aren’t sure if they’ll ever be able to replace her. 

And if they do lose her, they understand that now they may need to settle for someone who isn’t as desirable. And that would be a big loss. 

This is all pretty instinctive. But this is why it happens. This is why men tend to get so wrapped up in the women they fall in love with. And this is why it sometimes seems like the question of why do women move on so fast seems to make sense.  

And women do this as well, but not as many women… because as a general rule, women have more mating opportunities than men. 

And living with that many backup options is different from living with zero backup options—which is the position that most men find themselves in. 

This Isn’t To Say That Women Have It Easier, Though – Which Is Something That A Lot Of Men Fail To Understand

Keep in mind that this is all very natural stuff. We evolved this way because these behaviors helped us to solve adaptive problems as we evolved. 

Yes, it may seem unfair. And to a point, we need to realize that life isn’t fair. But it’s also true that both men and women have different challenges and strengths in our natural world. 

A lot of men think that women have it easy because they’re usually operating from a position of sexual abundance. 

But they don’t. 

Men and women both face challenges. It’s just that their unique challenges and problems are different, because men and women evolved slightly differently to solve different adaptive problems. 

Yes, women usually have more sexual options. To men, that sounds like an advantage. 

And it is an advantage. But it’s also important for men to understand that women face an entirely different problem. 

They don’t usually want all, or sometimes even ANY of the options they have access to! 

Women are faced with the very difficult problem of vetting partners and trying to find the best match. 

And failing to do this correctly can be very costly. 

Women who have gotten tied up in bad relationships know very intimately that being a woman in this world is not an easy thing. 

Plus, women have a distinct size and power disadvantage. Men are a greater physical threat to women than women are to men. So that’s something that women have to deal with as well. 

So it’s important for all of us to remember, both men and women, that both genders have their own strengths, weaknesses, and challenges. 

Hypergamy – Let’s Talk About It

Alright, let’s talk about hypergamy for a minute. 

This concept is rather complicated. But I’m going to try to keep it real simple. 

According to the basic dictionary definition, hypergamy is “the action of marrying or forming a sexual relationship with a person of a superior sociological or educational background.” 

Women look for partners based on different criteria. And again, some of this is subjective. But there’s a lot of it that is objective that relates to our core sexual programming. 

As a general rule, men are looking for:

  • Youth 
  • Beauty
  • Fertility 
  • Fidelity

… in their dating partners. 

Those are the things that really come across as making a woman high-value, in a natural objective sense, where the basis of sexual attraction is concerned. 

Now, that’s not all that matters. Those are just four things that DO matter, that are tied closely into the male’s core sexual programming. 

But women are looking for different things. They are looking for:

  • Status 
  • Power 
  • Economic wealth 
  • Tribal connections 
  • Industriousness, 
  • Ambition
  • Physical athleticism and strength 
  • Good genes 
  • A symmetrical appearance
  • A willingness to share resources

… and so on. 

The common denominator here is that women are attracted to men who have the greater potential for generating and sharing resources. 

And again, this throws back to the woman’s core sexual programming. 

Man’s Core Sexual Programming

To gain sexual access to as many of the highest value women as possible, so that he can spread his seed and produce as many potential offspring as possible… in the hopes that he will successfully proliferate his genetic lineage and continue his bloodline. 

Woman’s Core Sexual Programming

To mate with the highest-value man possible… meaning the man with the greatest resource potential, in the hopes that they can produce healthy offspring, protect her while she is in a more vulnerable motherhood state, and so that he can help her to care for the children and raise them to adulthood safely and successfully.

So for a woman, it’s in her best interest, and it is her core evolutionary sexual programming, to mate with men (or one man) who will help her to facilitate her sexual mandate by helping her to create, nurture, care-for, and protect her children.

So for example, a man is much less likely to care how much a woman makes or earns. It doesn’t really matter to him. 

By nature, men are also much less inclined to want to commit to women—unless doing so will solve the problem of a lack of future mating opportunities and sexual access (problems that lower value men on the spectrum would have had to deal with). 

Hypergamy Explained – Why Do Women Move On So Fast Answered

According to the literature, men do not tend to mate across and up the status hierarchy. Men tend to have relationships across and down the hierarchy, and women tend to mate across and up the hierarchy. 

The reason being is because women are hypergamous

So for example, if you have 12 men in a tribe, one of them is going to emerge as a leader figure, right? He’s the alpha. He’s going to hold the most status and the most power. 

As a result, the women of the tribe are all going to be more likely to try to compete to be with him, because the fact that he’s a leader means that he probably exerts a number of qualities that would make him an ideal choice as a mate and father. 

He’s probably intelligent, smart, ambitious, and industrious. He’s probably physically powerful. He’s probably a strategic thinker. He’s probably talented, right? The other men of the tribe respect him. So he must have some level of empathy, right? 

The fact that they respect him as a leader and respond well to him means that he’s likely effective—and that he’s not a tyrant or a bully. (Note, this is why women will often look to other men and women during the vetting process. This is a process I call ‘Tribal Vetting.’ If a man is well-received, liked, and respected by the other men and women of the tribe, he must be a good guy… and the odds of him being a high-value partner are greater.)

He’s probably good at getting results and increasing the betterment of the tribe. 

In general, the people who are closer to him also benefit from being closer to him, because he has high status and power. He’s a leader figure. 

And so, the women are more likely to want to mate with him than with the other men in the tribe. 

This tendency for women to desire the man at the top of the hierarchy is a perfect example of female hypergamy

And it serves a very useful purpose. 

It perpetuates the woman’s survival. Women have adapted to try to choose useful men who get positive results. And they’ve adapted to look for the identifying traits of such a man. 

Now obviously, not all the women can secure a position with the top man. 

So what usually happens is that this top man, the alpha, will have his pick of the women. 

He’s one of the few men in the tribe operating from a position of sexual abundance. 

The rest of the men in the tribe will need to work harder to gain the attention of the women in the tribe, because the women of the tribe are really focused on the alpha (and the other top-level men). 

But here’s the thing. 

Most of the women of the tribe also have the option to have their pick of the other men in the tribe. So the beautiful women who don’t manage to secure a position with the alpha pretty much get their pick of the rest of the men… and the dominos continue to fall down the line. 

These women basically pick the next best option that they can get, and they’ll even compete with one-another for the next-best man on the marketplace (maybe the man who is second-in-command). 

But the vast majority of men aren’t going to stand out. And so, these men are operating from a position of sexual scarcity—which means that they aren’t guaranteed a mate like the alpha is, and they are going to need to work even harder to try to secure even one sexual opportunity/mating opportunity. 

Hypergamy Helps Women To Fulfill Their Natural Sexual Mandate – But It Also Makes It More Difficult For Men At The Lower End Of The Status Hierarchy To Have Any Chance With The Higher Value Women At The Top Of The Hierarchy

This is how women solve their sexual problem, which is producing healthy children with good genes, and then nurturing and protecting those children until adulthood. 

They have the most desire for the men who are higher-up in the status hierarchy, because the more powerful the man they marry, the better he’s going to be able to help them accomplish that mandate, right? And women have evolved instincts for picking these men out. 

Now, men and women have evolved to use many different sexual strategies within the structured rules of this ‘game’ of human mating behavior. 

But that’s how it works. And it neither favors the men nor the women, because at the end of the day, both men and women have different challenges and advantages. 

It’s just how nature has caused us to adapt and evolve. 

In Conclusion – Why Do Women Move On So Fast?

So there you have it. 

As it turns out, the answer to the question of why do women move on so fast is simple: Because women usually have more mating opportunities, due to sexual abundance, and because they are usually instinctively trying to upgrade to higher-status men anyway, because of hypergamy. 

So How Can Men Secure Mating Opportunities With More Women And Succeed At Dating?

Simple. By becoming a high value, alpha mentality man

Do it right, and you’ll achieve a position of sexual abundance—and in-so-doing, will make yourself a highly desirable mate with your pick of many high value, beautiful women. 

Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power. 

Until next time, 

Joshua K. Sigafus