This blog post is for the gentlemen.
If you’ve landed here, it’s probably because you want to get a girlfriend, but are struggling to figure out how.
Well, you’re not alone.
I used to struggle with this exact same thing.
See, I got married young, at 20 years old. I met my wife at the age of 18.
But after being together for 10 years, that marriage ended for me in 2017.
And I had to go back to square one and start dating as a divorced single father in my 30s.
That’s when I realized that I truly had no clue how to successfully date or engage with women.
But even when I was a teenager, I really struggled with the ladies.
I used to put my heart and soul into every single woman I was legitimately interested in.
- I would try to be romantic.
- I would try to be a gentleman.
- I always tried to think of the girl’s feelings, and was always doing my best to be the nicest possible guy I could be.
Needless to say, something was going wrong.
Because the only results I got were failure after failure.
Well, there’s a reason why I’m writing this blog post.
It’s because I figured it out.
After years of trial and error after my marriage ended, and after years of research, studying, and practicing, I finally figured out how to create an awesome dating life that I could actually enjoy.
And in that process, I also learned the truth about why dating is so hard for guys.
So in this post, I’m going to outline everything you need to know to make your dating life go from being hard and difficult, to being fun, exciting, and successful.
Let’s dive in and talk about it.
First Off, Most Men Don’t Understand How The Human Mating Dance Works
I’m about to drop some knowledge on you… knowledge that’s really important for you to take in and understand.
Men are nature’s competitors, and women are nature’s selectors.
If you’ve noticed that dating seems to be easier for women, you’re correct.
Or at least, you’re partly correct.
It’s much easier for women to find sexual partners than it is for most men, because women are born with a certain amount of inherent desired sexual value.
To put it simply: eggs, fallopian tubes, and the uterus are the golden keys to reproduction.
By contrast, men have sperm and semen.
These things are also important, but they’re cheap and easy for women to obtain.
Therefore, the market value for the female reproductive faculties is simply higher.
This means that it’s easy for women to find men who want to sleep with them, as a general rule, than it is for most men to find women who will want to sleep with them.
See, women (as a general rule) don’t have a problem finding dates. Nearly any woman with a vagina can find men willing to date them and sleep with them.
That’s not a problem for most women.
The problem that most women face is that they’re trying to find and attract high value men to date.
To put it simply, women want the highest value man they can possibly get.
And so, as nature’s competitors, men are tasked with the burden of trying to be high value enough that women will want to select them.
This is a foundational principle that all men must understand before hoping to succeed on the dating marketplace.
Secondly, Men Need To Understand That Women Want Masculine Men
There’s a huge misconception in our culture about what women want in a man.
It often sounds like the mainstream media is telling us that women actually want feminine men who will still recognize them (women) as superior to them (men).
This is called putting a woman on a pedestal, being a ‘nice guy,’ or being a ‘white knight.’
And it’s one of the most non masculine things a man can do.
It’s also one of the least attractive things a man can do.
I’m going to shoot it to you straight on this one.
Women want strong masculine men, not weak feminine men.
Of course, there are always outliers.
But for the majority of women, weak men are a huge turnoff.
What does this mean for you? It means that it’s important for you to embody the most important masculine traits.
If you want women to find you attractive, be a man who isn’t afraid to walk his own path.
Be a man who isn’t concerned with what other people think of him.
Be a man who lives with conviction and purpose.
Be a man who strives to be the hardest worker in the room.
Be a man who is constantly investing in himself, leveling up mind, body, and spirit on a daily basis.
Be a man who understands how to be violent, but who chooses to be kind and peaceful because he wants to leave the world a better place than he found it.
Be a man who doesn’t shy away from healthy conflict.
Be the type of man who knows what he wants, and pursues it.
Be the type of man who isn’t afraid to sexualize women, and to pursue them as beauty objects.
Some of these things are almost taboo in our modern world. But these are crucial masculine tenants that are highly attractive to women.
They’re also, ironically, the types of traits that will make you a more effective and successful man.
At the end of the day, that’s really what women are looking for.
They’re looking for a man who will do and say exactly what he means… a man who is effective, who lives his own life and destiny, who also pursues the beautiful women he desires along the way.
Third, Don’t Pursue Women As The Mission Or The Primary Goal
A lot of men get this twisted.
They believe that they should pursue women as the primary goal.
Because they’re afraid of being alone, or because they get wrapped up in their feelings or emotions.
But see, as men, it’s incumbent upon us to conquer our feelings and emotions, and to not rely on women to soothe them or make us feel better about them.
Rather, as men, we should strive to become self-reliant. We should strive to be self actualized, and we should strive to be self fulfilled.
We create an awesome, abundant, successful life for ourselves—walking our own path, pursuing our own purpose.
This must always be our primary goal. This is the alpha journey.
Women, on the flipside of the coin, are something that we pursue when we encounter them along the way, when we desire them.
But they should never be the number-one goal.
A lot of men make this fundamental mistake, and it costs them a great deal of attraction.
See, women do not want to be your mission.
They want to join a high value man along on his mission, and they want him to desire them and prioritize them along the way.
They might even think they want him to make them the mission—but at the heart and soul of the matter, this isn’t true.
This is all based on temporary feelings and emotion.
The truth of the matter is that when we choose to make our purpose and our journey our greatest priority, and then we pursue women secondary to that, whenever we run across them, we are setting ourselves up to be maximally attractive as men.
Fourth, You Have To Pursue Women As A Man
A Lot of men are afraid of beautiful women.
They’re afraid to approach them, engage with them, flirt with them, escalate with them, ask them on dates, ask for their number, touch them, etc.
Because most men are inherently afraid of rejection.
But it’s vitally important for us to understand that succumbing to a fear of rejection is an inherently non-masculine trait.
Not only does it take away from our attractiveness, but it also significantly reduces our odds for success.
As men, we must pursue the women we desire. We should never expect women to pursue us.
I’m not saying that it never happens. In fact, if you are attractive enough, women may actually pursue you.
More than likely, in such cases, you’ll experience women displaying what are often referred to as ‘choosing signals,’ which are signals that they wish for you to approach them and engage with them.
But by and large, it’s really important to understand that women automatically don’t like being required to pursue men, and here’s why.
Remember, women are nature’s selectors, and men are nature’s competitors.
When a woman is left with no recourse but to pursue a man, it opens up the possibility for serious low value markers on this side of things.
It begs the question:
If this man wants to be a true competitor, according to the true heart and soul of masculine human nature, why isn’t he pursuing me?
This may seem like a subtle difference.
It may not seem like something that ultimately matters.
And sometimes, it doesn’t matter.
But fundamentally speaking, as men, we must take control of our own destinies and pursue the women we’re interested in.
We must be empowered by the fact that it is our privilege and natural mandate to walk up to beautiful women and engage with them.
We, as men, are the natural leaders in the dating marketplace.
A lot of men fail at this.
A lot of men try to put this responsibility off onto the woman. And as a result, it hurts their attraction levels, and they come off as weak and non-masculine.
So live your life, and pursue your purpose.
But when a beautiful woman who catches your eye crosses your path, remember that it’s your masculine duty to engage with her if you want your dating life to be successful.
There’s a lot more that could be said on this topic.
But for now, we’ll leave it here.
These are really the four biggest things that men need to understand.
Why is dating so hard for guys?
At the core, these four issues point toward the heart of the matter.
And if you address all four of them, you’ll be well on your way to achieving greater success in your dating life as a man.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus